


Journal

by Vicki_desu427



Category: Arashi (Band), Kis-My-Ft2 (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Diary/Journal, F/M, Multi, Not Beta Read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2017-10-21
Packaged: 2018-04-15 02:17:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 23,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4589268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vicki_desu427/pseuds/Vicki_desu427
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Feelings are complicated when your best friend is dating the guy you love. Noriko writes it all down in her journal, and soon realizes you can't force anyone to love you. No matter how much you want to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Entry One

**Author's Note:**

> I've written this story two times, I've changed a few characters and I'm still working on the third re-write so hopefully, this is enjoyable.

_Entry One- _

_**January 3rd 2011** _

_Well, a new year has started eh Journal. So far, things have become strange with Akira. I think she’s hiding the fact that she got with Sho…yep you’re not seeing things Journal. Sakurai Sho and my twin (as I said before not by blood) Miyazawa Akira have done “it”. And, where does that leave me you might ask? With a broken heart and a fake smile. *Sigh* It’s my fault right? I should have said something sooner. But hey, now I can just scream Congrats Aki-chan for sleeping with the person I’ve liked for ages! Well, it’s alright, at least she lost her “special gift” to someone as amazing as Sho-Chan. Sweet, Kind, Cute, Smart, Amazing Sho. She has always been the lucky one. Always be the lucky one right? Akira number one dancing champion at Keio University. Akira the girl that is my best friend. I know I should feel happy for her, and I’m just being selfish, but it hurts. But, I will try to show her I’m happy for her. I won’t be bitter. You get me Journal. No Bitterness! *breathe out* this was good. Writing this out made me feel normal._

_Thanks for always being there for me Journal, and I’ll write more soon._

_Ja ne~_

Noriko closed her journal and sighed, it was nice to be back.

This was her own place, she shared it with Akira, but it was hers, and it made her happy.

There was a knock at the door and she looked, but didn’t move from her spot on the bed.

“Come in.”

“Nori-chan…” She turned her body and saw Akira standing in the doorway.

“Yeah?” Noriko asked looking at her. “What’s up?”

“I was wondering if you were alright I mean you left the party before it even started.” Akira questioned as she walked towards the bunk and stood on the metal frame.“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Stop that. Use the Ladder.” Noriko demanded.

Akira moved so she was standing on the ladder and looking at her face. “I know the reason you’ve been acting weird with me.”

“You do?” Akira breathed, “I wanted to tell you, but I knew you’d be mad.”

“I’m not mad. You like Sho, and you guys-” She paused, “Anyways it’s my fault I didn’t say anything sooner. It’s not like you’re dating.”

Akira looked away, “I was going to tell you that too.”

“Are you serious?” Noriko choked, “I thought…So, you guys are together.”

“I’m sorry it went down like this Nori-chan, I didn’t mean to hurt you, but I really like Sho." Akira smiled, “Can you forgive me?”

“There’s nothing to forgive.” Noriko nodded, “you guys will make a great couple.”

“Thanks Nori-chan.” Akira relaxed, “Who would’ve thought? Sho, He’s really adorable and sweet. He actually treats me like a person and everything felt right.”

“Yeah, I bet it’s great, I’m happy for you.” Noriko swallowed grinning. “Just none of that in here.”

Akira laughed and climbed down the ladder, “Come back to the party Noriko, Yuta’s has been asking about you.” Noriko rolled almost falling out of the bed.

She stood on Akira’s bed for balance and quickly jumped down, “Sorry, did you say Tamamori’s been asking for me?”

“Nope, not him the other Tamamori Yuta.” Akira teased, “So, do like him?”

“No. I just think he’s cute.” She stuttered Akira put her arm around her.

“I can set you up.” Akira whispered, “I’m sure he could use a nice girl like you.”

“No Aki-chan! it’s fine.” Noriko said smiling, “I would like to get to know him though.”

“Sure.” Akira took her arm from Noriko’s shoulder and bumped her.

_**January 11th 2011** _

_Been a while hey? Okay not that long Journal. Sho and Akira are “using” the room even though we agreed they wouldn’t. Anyway, I’m hanging out with Tamamori Yuta. He’s alright. I remember when we first met at orientation I thought he was kind of an idiot, but really he’s quite, and a nice person. He also has this cute smile, and a puppy face. Okay maybe I do like him…a little bit…okay a lot but come on he’s also good looking._

Noriko peaked over her journal and looked at Yuta. His back was to her and she studied him with interest. He was wearing a white button up shirt with his sleeves rolled up, and she noticed the slight muscles in his upper arms.

_Yeah, really good looking. I think Akira was just pulling my leg when she said he was asking for me at the party a week ago. He just wanted to know what I had chosen for my business project. I haven’t even thought about the damn thing since I got back a week and a day ago. Maybe it was just an excuse to talk to me? I mean I am in his room right now, and who says girls aren’t allowed to make the first move right Journal? Right! Okay, after I finish this page…this page right here…I swear I’m going to tap Yuta’s shoulder and kiss him hard on the lips…wait! I’ll ask if he has a girlfriend first. I don’t want him to cheat if he has one. *Breath* You got this Noriko! You. Got. This!_

_Ja Journal_

Noriko closed her Journal and watched as Tamamori stretched, she saw the muscles in his back. He turned around and looked at her.

“Ah, Nori-chan are you done writing?” He asked turning his body so she was looking at him fully.

“Um.” she said nodding the she breathed out, “Are you…do you have a girlfriend?”

He looked taken back before pushing out his desk chair and joining her on the bed, “No, I don’t. Do you have a boy-”Noriko put her hands on his shoulders and he stopped talking instantly.

She looked into his eyes and then at his lips. She felt his hand go to her waist making her gasp. She pulled him in and kissed him softly. Their kissing turned heated and he lay her down on his bed, his hands started to go up her shirt.

“Yuta.” Noriko sighed and he went to kiss her neck, “We can’t…not yet.”

“I know.” He said capturing her lips once more before pulling away. He smirked down at her and she leaned up on her elbows and grinned at him. he was going in for another kiss when the door to the dorm room opened making him groan and roll off of her.

“Tama-chan?! Hello Noriko.” Miyata said grinning, “Am I interrupting?” They both groaned, when Tama turned and looked at his friend, “Get out.”

“But I live here too.” Miyata said bouncing into the room, “Are you sure you want to start something with this guy Noriko? He’s kind of mean.”

“Miyata! Leave!” He growled when Noriko put a hand on his arm and slid off his bed. “You don’t have to go Noriko.”

“Actually, I think it’s a better idea if I do.” she gathered her journal and kissed him on the cheek. “By Yuta.” She smiled before closing the door.

“Why, Why couldn’t you have just left!” Tamamori shouted, making Noriko giggle and walk away.

She got back to her dorm with a smile on her face, and it was amazing. She opened the door to her dorm and then walked into the next room, which was the bedroom, and saw Akira and Sho laying underneath the covers.

“Sorry.” She babbled turning around and closing the door, “I could just leave.”

“Nori-chan, sorry, we didn’t think you’d be back so soon.” Akira called through the closed door.

The smile that had been on her face vanished quickly, “It’s alright. I’ll just go.” “Noriko!”

“What’s wrong?” Sho questioned, she heard the shuffling of clothes through the closed door.

“You wouldn’t understand…” Akira said softly. “I’ll talk to you later alright?” Noriko moved away from the door when He walked out his clothes on, though his hair was a mess and his jeans were less than perfect. “I’m sorry you had to see that.” he whispered, “Hopefully that won't happen often, I know it’s early, but I think she’s...” He grinned and shook his head, leaving her as he walked down the hall.

Noriko slid down the wall next to the door and that was how Akira found her a few minutes later. “Do you want to talk about it?” Akira questioned, but she didn’t say a word as she walked into the bedroom climbed into her bed, and closed her eyes. Just went into the dorm and climbed up to her bunk, no tears were cried until much later.

_**January 25th 2011** _

_I feel numb…I was just thinking about these past two weeks. I had my first kiss with Tamamori, but that’s not what I want to write about. I walked in on Sho and Akira after their…coupling. I can’t help but harshly comment on it. I know I’m not supposed to be bitter. Sho told me not in so many words that he’s in love with Aki-chan. He loves her. I’m not sure if I’m starting to resent my best friend or just upset with myself. I hope it’s not the first. Akira’s amazing, beautiful, and mysterious all in one package. No wonder he fell for her. Ugh, I go around with a smile on my face as much as I can, and Akira’s walking around with the guy I like…I guess I deserve it though, I never told Sho how I felt. Never kissed him, I never did anything. It truly is my fault…Maybe I can try to bury the feelings I have for Sho with Yuta. He really likes me and maybe in time I can grow to like him as much as I like Sho. There is always hope. Right Journal? Hope is good!_

_This is a New Year._

Noriko put her journal into her backpack for later, just as the new teaching assistant walked into the classroom.

“Hello Class I’m Fujigaya Taisuke, and I’ll be teaching this class on behalf of Professor Sato…” his eyes scanned the room before they rested on Noriko.

“Hajimemashite Dozo yoroshiku.” he bowed his head slightly. His eyes never left her as he said that, and she felt something.

 

***TBC***

_**  
**_


	2. Entry Two

**_February 7th 2011 _ **

_Well, this semester is shaping up differently from what I thought it would be. Professor Fujigaya is not like any professor I’ve ever had, but then again he is just an assistant. Personally, I think he’s full of himself, and the fact that all the girls are in love with him just makes being in his class so much more unbearable. He also needs to chill on the homework! Even if he does have a decent face!_

_You know Journal, I tried to stop it, but I’m still thinking about Sho-chan, Akira must know that I still think about him, especially after that break down. How is she so alright with me thinking about her boyfriend? I wish I could stop myself, but looking at him. I mean just look at him, those arms, that voice, his style ugh, he’s like a good-looking piece of heaven wrapped in one package!_

Noriko threw down her pen and looked around. Tamamori had been hanging out a lot more, and she would blush and look away. Akira and Sho were sitting on the couch in the small living room/kitchen area of their dorm.

“Is something wrong Riko-chan?” Tamamori asked reaching for her; she let him pull her close to his side and smiled.

“No, I mean yeah, kind of?” She shook her head, and closed her journal, “Actually yes.” she said softly.

“What’s the problem?” his lips were close enough to her ear that she suppressed a shiver, and looked down at her journal before giving him her full attention.

“I don’t understand Professor Sato’s teaching assistant, I can somewhat understand when I’m in class, but otherwise-” she broke off and sighed in frustration.

“Hey, don’t worry about it;” he moved closer to her, “You’ll get it.”

She felt his lips on her cheek in an instant before he moved back grinning. She felt as if her face was on fire from the encounter, and she looked across the table at the couple and Akira winked. Noriko looked away and tried to catch Sho’s gaze but he was staring at Akira. She felt her heart clench painfully before looking down.

“So is anyone else hungry?” Akira asked. “We can go to the café.”

“I don’t want anything from there again.” Sho said groaning. “What about you Yuta?”

“Um?” He looked up from his book and looked over at Noriko who was looking at him. “Oh, um…how about we just order a pizza?”

“And have a movie night!” Akira said happily, “Just us couples? What do you say Noriko?”

“Couples? Yeah, sure.” She accepted while Yuta reached for her hand.

_**February 16th 2011** _

      _What have I done? I fucked up that’s what I’ve done. So, as you can tell from the date Valentine’s Day has come and gone. :Ugh: just thinking about it makes me annoyed and upset. But, before I talk about that train wreck of a day, let’s talk about the events that lead to that day._

      _Last time I was writing I didn’t even get to finish what I was saying about Sho-chan, Yuta was there and it was somewhat hard to concentrate. It was actually a turn on…He whispered in my ear and Journal he’s so…sexy. It surprises me how under that cute face is a guy who’s actually really well hot. But, anyway, we were all hanging watching a movie, and before the movie even started they, (Akira and Sho) started making out. I heard them, and I was envious journal. I admit it. I wanted Sho to kiss me. I wanted it so badly. I tried watching the movie to block them out, and I kept thinking…Akira’s idea. AKIRA’S IDEA! Then Yuta tugged at my hand to get my attention, and when I turned, his lips were waiting._

_He pulled away, and softly put his left hand on my cheek. His right hand was still holding mine. His eyes were illuminated by the movie, and the look he gave me, made me feel something. I don’t know if it was good or bad, but it made me want to kiss him, badly. It made me want to try with him. I moved in and kissed him. Softly, slowly, and then we were kissing as well. He was so soft and gentle, it made me feel light. He then stopped kissing me too soon and whispered, “You’re beautiful…”_

      _I looked away from him in that moment. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what to feel. In a few moments I understood the look he gave me. I believed Yuta was falling for me, if not in love with me, and that just made me flood with emotions. He truly has feelings for me, and I’m not sure where I stand. I started to pull away from him, and I think he could tell, so he blurted out he wanted to take me out on Valentine’s Day. That caught the attention of Akira and Sho, who I almost forgot were there. Yes, He made me forget about Sho! Weird huh? Well, I agreed. I wanted to see what was going to happen and that’s where things got fucked up!_

_We went out to dinner, and there was a lot of effort put into it. Akira helped me pick out a nice dress, and helped me with my makeup because I suck at that type of thing... and I was excited. I was excited for a date with someone who wasn’t Sho. As she did the final touches on my hair, she smiled, “If after tonight you become woman, you have to tell me about it.” I blushed, and mumbled. I don’t remember what I said, maybe it was a mixture of ‘shut up it’s too early’ and ‘No way would I tell you’._

     _The dinner was like you would picture a nice Valentine's Day date. Low lighting, roses in a glass vase, soft music...etc. Typical Valentine’s Day. I told him, “You’re spoiling me, so now you have to do this for every date.” He laughed and commented, “Only if you dress like that for every single date.” I stuck my tongue out at this journal, he knows I hate dresses, and then we started talking about our parents and how being at the University is a big opportunity. Tama-chan, I mean Yuta, wants to be an actor, but he also wants to get a business degree just in case acting doesn’t work out. It’s so ambitious that I couldn’t help but admire him for it. Then we got back to love and relationships, and this is the whole conversation:_

_“Whatever this is.” He smiled, “It’s new to me, and I’m glad it’s you.”_

_“You’ve never fell in love before?” I asked, “Like at all?” I could see the wheels turning in his head and he leaned in._

_"It’s not proper dinner talk.” He stated moving away with a smile to which I pouted._

_“Yuta, you can tell me.” I pestered, “It had to be important.”_

_“It was an important relationship for me.” He nodded, “I wanted to marry her, but she wanted to sleep with my best friend.”_

_“I know how you feel.”_

     _Yeah, I said I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL! He looked at me and I looked away. Yuta’s not an idiot journal. He knows who my best friend is. After dinner, he just left me at the door of my dorm and that was it. He must have figured it out. He must have figured out that I have strong feelings for Sho Sakurai Akira's new boyfriend! Ugh, I’m such an idiot! I should've just let it go. I should've had us enjoy our night instead of bringing up past relationships! But, hopefully...and this is very hopeful thinking...hopefully he doesn’t know the truth._

“Noriko?”

“Why can’t I keep my mouth shut?” Noriko mumbled into her pillow when Akira entered their room.

“Foot in mouth disease.” Akira smiled, “What did you do this time?”

“I messed up.” Noriko sighed, “Tama-chan, I mean Yuta, and I were talking about love and I just told him everything. Why did I say anything, you know?”

Akira shrugged, “I’m sure you’re just over thinking. I mean, he really likes you. Maybe he wasn’t expecting whatever it is you said.”

“I guess.” She counted, “I mean we were having such a great time before we started talking about past relationships.”

“Oh Noriko, you didn’t bring up Sho did you?” Akira groaned, “Please tell me you didn’t.”

“Not in so many words!” Noriko shouted, “I didn’t want to bring him up, not with Yuta, but it slipped out.” Akira was silent and nodded. Noriko wondered what she was thinking. This must be hard on Akira, but she didn’t know what to say about the situation.

“Didn’t you have a class today?” Akira questioned after a while. “It’s almost 4.”

Noriko almost bumped her head on the ceiling as she rolled out of bed and almost landing on Akira. “Noriko!” Akira yelled diving into her bed just in time, “What the hell?”

“I’m late for Advanced Electronic Prototyping and Design.” Noriko yelled grabbing her backpack and hopping as she tried to put on her other shoe.

“How the hell are you taking that class without dying?” Akira called after her when she slammed the door and sprinted towards her classroom.

The Tech program at Keio University was great, but seriously understaffed. They needed new teachers, and assistant Professor Fujigaya was one of the new ones. He was horrible, always giving out mountains of homework with no make ups. Noriko didn’t know how she was taking the class without dying or failing.

She busted into the classroom just as Fujigaya dismissed everyone.

“Shit.” She cried, he looked up at her instantly, and she knew she was in for an unpleasant conversation.

“Kinjo-san, nice of you show up, even if it is late.” He drawled as he looked at her. Her classmates left quickly, while some shot looks at her. The majority left without even a backwards glance. “Follow me towards my office. We have a lot to discuss.”

Noriko obediently walked with him towards his office after he packed up his things. She was getting tense. _This is my first time skipping class, what else could I have possibly done? What happened? Oh, god this is so messed up!_ She thought as they neared the administrative building. They climbed up a set of stairs until they made it to the third floor, and towards the end of the hall.

Walking into his office Noriko noticed all the books. Science manuals, Advanced Physical Mathematics, and other books around his office. “Close the door and have a seat.” He ordered sitting down behind his desk.

She plopping down in chair in front of his desk and clasped her hands together. He was silent for a good 3 minutes, and she felt her nerves breaking when he spoke, “I see great potential in you Kinjo-san, and it pains me to have to tell you this, but you aren’t doing so well.” he went through his desk and pulled out her last test. She closed her eyes to stop tears.

Noriko breathed out before looked down at the paper and seeing a big D- on her test. The tears started before long, “I didn’t know I was doing so poorly.”

“It’s your last year, if you were having trouble why didn’t you just come to me.” She looked up and saw the disappointment on his face. He got up and handed her a tissue. “I would like to help you Noriko, but I need to know you’re will to put in an effort.”

“I will! I promise I will do anything. I need to pass this class professor.” She choked out wiping away her tears, “I just don’t know what to do.”

“It’s okay.” He cooed lightly touching her shoulder. “I know how to help.” She swallowed and looked up at him, “I will Prof-”

_**February 20th 2011** _

     _I close my eyes, and I see what happened repeatedly almost like a dream. I couldn’t write about it because I wasn’t even sure it really happened. It felt real, it seemed like it was, but the ACTION of it, just screams IMPOSSIBLE! It took me four days to wrap my mind around the idea. He kissed me. Professor Fujigaya kissed me. Even writing it seems farfetched. I have his class tomorrow, and I’ve made it a point to actually go to this one. But, how do I face him? I’ve been avoiding him as much as possible and getting notes from Shizuko, whenever I can. But, I’m confused, how did I feel about this? I don’t know, a little pleased I suppose. Is it okay to feel this way? I never have before. He kissed me, a professor, a man, out of any girl, he kissed me and I do like the fact that he wanted me. Does he want me though? Do I want him?_

_UGH! What am I thinking Journal? I can’t let this happen, what about Yuta. I promised I’d try, with him! Then again I haven’t been very faithful to my no bitterness rule…This is too much. Just too much._

***TBC***


	3. Entry Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things start to warm up in March, don't they?

**March 19th 2011**

            _He’s a jerk. I mean how do you lead on someone with a kiss then ignore his or her very existence. It’s bullshit! It’s not like I was jumping for joy when he kissed me. I was worried and afraid and I wasn’t even sure I liked it. It’s been 31 days since it happened. Not that I’ve been counting mind you…But, when I went to class, I was extra nervous._

_He stepped in and started lecturing. He didn’t look at me once. I felt so...used. Toyed with. Why did I want him to look at me? Why did I want to him to acknowledge at me? He’s a sleaze of a teacher and at this point deserves to get fired! I mean he was smiling and joking around like he was the cool professor. No one knew that Professor Fujigaya Taisuke was a wolf in sheep’s clothing._

_What pissed me off even more is that I had the answer to a very difficult problem and he didn’t even look at me when my hand shot up! He probably thought I wanted his attention and didn’t know the answer. Like I had anything to prove. How dare He! honestly Journal! HOW FUCKING DARE HE! I’ll teach that bastard. Mark my words journal! He’s going down._

“Noriko are you alright? You just growled.”

Noriko looked over at Akira and Sho, “Oh, sorry, I forgot anyone was here.” Sho had a smile on his face when he looked at her. His eyes were playful when he shook his head. “You’re adorable Noriko-chan. I wish I had known that earlier.” He wrapped his arm around Akira, “Is she always like this?”

Akira nodded and laughed when Noriko hit her in the face with a pillow. “I am not adorable.” She could feel the blood rushing to her face. “and don’t you have a dance competition to practice for Akira?”

Sho rubbed her head. “It’s alright Noriko. Just remember, whatever is going on will soon pass.” He smiled and she moved out of his reach.

Akira watched the exchange silently before answering her question. “I’m not worried.” She shrugged leaning back into the couch, “I’ve been working on my routine for more than two month.” Akira nodded. “I’m fine.”

“Yes you are.” Sho purred pulling her close. “As well as amazing, beautiful, and sexy…” Noriko rolled her eyes while Akira smirked at his praise, “Sho, come on.” She touched him arm, “Don’t overdo it.”

“Why can’t I tell you how amazing you are?” he wondered kissing her on the cheek. “There’s nothing wrong with praising you.” Noriko turned to watch her friend. Akira hid her face, but Noriko noticed the faint blush on her cheeks. Akira was embarrassed and caught off guard. The attention wasn’t new, but from Sho; it looked like it was all she needed.

Noriko felt her insides boil and sneered before muttering, “There is something wrong when someone else is in the room…disgusting.” Noriko closed her journal.

“Hey.” Akira leaned down away from Sho, “Are you and Yuta-kun okay?” she asked, the concern in her voice made Noriko ashamed for that burst of jealousy. She turned to look at her friend, “Not since what happened at…” she paused and turned her eyes to Sho, his body language had change and his eyes grew dark. His look was primitive as he stared at Akira. The guilt was gone, Akira wasn’t asking out of kindness, but so she could have some alone time with Sho.

“I can go to the library to study. If you want some alone time?” Noriko grunted getting off the floor. Akira bit her lip.

“Noriko, you’re a god send! I could kiss you.” He laughed and, Noriko nodded while grabbing her stuff. She was almost out the door when Akira grabbed her arm.

“I didn’t mean to kick…”

Noriko shook her off and let the door behind her hard, but not enough to cause a scene. The hallway was empty and she felt the tears threaten to fall, but wiped them away roughly, as she walked away from the dorm.

“Nori-chan?” She wiped her eyes once more, and saw Tamamori strolling towards her.

“What?” she questioned, her eyes were red and she didn’t want him to know why. When he took her hand.

“Come with me, Miyata isn’t in the room now, and we need to talk.” He stated as he pulled her down the hallway towards his room.

The silence in the room was deafening, he stood with his back to the door and she sat on his bed with her backpack at her feet.

“I-”

“I’m-”

They started at the same time and stopped talking at the same time. Tamamori pushed off the door and walked towards her. “I like you.”

Noriko looked up at him and blinked, “Eh?”

He looked away, “I just wanted to say that once, and I know you’re in love with Sakurai-san. But, I like you a lot Noriko.”

“Huh? Like…Me?” Noriko was glad she was sitting down. She looked into the brown eyes of the person in front of her. Wondering how he had gotten so close to her.

“yeah…” he nodded, “I know it’s sudden, and I’ve been avoiding you since Valentine’s day, but I wanted to know for sure.”

“You know how I feel about Sakurai-san and you still…you still…? Why?”

He laughed and he trapped her between his body and his bed, “How can I not? You’re beautiful and smart and caring. I know you’re shy and there’s just something about you.” he put his hands on her cheeks. They felt icy cold; she didn’t even realize she was blushing. “Can you accept that I like you? Even if you don’t feel the same?”

She stared at him. He was waiting for her to say something, but words failed her. All she could do is stare into his eyes, the eyes that wanted a chance. So, looking into his eyes she nodded and let her lips meet his.

 

**March 21st 2011**

_Tamamori Yuta confessed to liking me._

_That’s seriously all I got…Okay not really, but just writing it was almost as tough as writing about that kiss with the demon that shall not be named!_

_Sho said I was adorable in front of Akira and he said he could kiss me. Yeah, it was more of a joke and to stop me from being so crazy with my thoughts of Fujigaya pissing me off, but still in those moments, I felt flushed and happy. It’s so painful to watch them together, but I’m seriously trying Journal. Yuta will help with that, because I don’t want to hurt him. Yuta actually cares for me a lot, and I want to learn to like him and even come to love him. But, I’m in love with Sho. I want to hate him, hate everything about him, but I can’t. He didn’t do anything wrong and that makes me angry, and sad._

          _I feel comfortable with Yuta, and I do like him. I like kissing him, and I like it when he holds me. We talked a lot after he kissed me and told me he liked me. I looked into his eyes and laughed at his jokes. We talked even more about life after college than we did on Valentine’s Day. I told him how much I admire him working towards his goals. He said the same about me. I could have stayed in his room all night journal, just talking. Everything was so comfortable. Until Miyata come back…that little toad._

_I’ll write again later journal class is about to start again and I have to face the demon._

Noriko stuffed her Journal back into her bag as Fujigaya came into the lecture hall. She saw how he looked at everyone but her and it was irritating, but she kept her face passive.

“Alright class today we’ll be breaking up into groups.” He said, “Your Final exam is coming up quickly, and I would like for you all to be prepared.”

He turned his back and Noriko watched as Shizuko pull out her notebook slowly, she wasn’t even looking at her backpack and Noriko followed the girls gaze and saw they were glued to Fujigaya’s backside. Rolling her eyes, she got out her things and tried to concentrate on the words written on the board, but her eyes kept going back to him. The way his fingers elegantly he held the chalk, the slight curl of his lip when he was waiting on an answer, and the way his hair stayed perfectly in place. Shaking her head once she glared at her notes.

Shizuko bumped into her as she was packing her things and let her stuff fall.

“Ah! Sorry Noriko.” Shizuko smiled, “My head isn’t on straight.”

Noriko sighed, and nodded as the girl helped her, “Are you alright?” she asked politely and Shizuko nodded with blood rushing to her face.

“I have a small crush on Professor Fujigaya.” Shizuko said, “But, I’m not the only one am I right?”

“You’re right, plenty of girls do find him attractive.” Noriko concerned walking past her, “Later Shizuko-san.”

They didn’t notice Fuijgaya leaving the room after them with a small smile on his face.

**March 28th 2011**

_He’s not just a demon journal. He’s evil! Pure E-V-I-L! I swear, a wolf with a pretty smile.Today in class, he kept catching my eye, and had this wolf like grin on his face. I couldn’t look at him without blushing or looking away. What is his deal? First he ignores me, and then he keeps looking at me? What is his game? Because I know it’s a game._

_He’s not even that attractive. HE’S NOT! I can think of a bunch of guys that are hotter than him…_

_I’m lying of course._

        _Journal, I wish he was unattractive. I wish he didn’t have those damn hands or that tan skin or that pretty mouth that looks like sin. God! I’m going crazy Journal. I hate his guts, but he’s something. Something dangerous, but when he looks at me. It lights a fire in my body that I don’t want to let go of. When he looked at me and held my gaze he licked his lips slowly as if trying to tempt me. Torture me most likely. I heard half the female population in the class moan along with a few males._

        _He wanted me to go to his office after class, but I did not go. I’m not going to be one of those girls that play his little lustful game of cat and mouse. I came to college to learn, plus I’m faithful to Yuta. Even if our emotions don’t fully match up, I am faithful to him. He doesn’t even know this is going on, and I can’t possibly tell him. I can’t even imagine how that conversation would go._

      _“So, Yuta-kun…I have this perverted teacher that’s kind of hot and I think he wants to have sex with me, but you know I would never do that to you…”_

_Yeah that doesn't sound the least bit convincing. I’ve been getting better with not thinking about Sho when I kiss Yuta, or when I’m with Yuta at all. He is very sweet to me, and I want to fall in love with him with all my heart. When he holds my hand or looks into my eyes I feel something... I know it’s not the same as when I look at Sho. The need to be close to him, or touch him or just listen to him._

_With Yuta it’s different. He’s a different person, so, It makes sense. Yuta is a nice guy, a great guy._

Noriko closed her journal with a sigh and rolled over to look up at the ceiling, her flashlight was illuminating the wall behind her and she just lay there.

“Noriko are you up?” Akira questioned in the dark. \

“Crap, did I wake you Aki-chan?” Noriko wondered when a faint laugh followed, along with the sound of ruffling covers. She turned off her flashlight, and the room instantly got dark.

“No.” She muttered, “But, I’ve been thinking.”

Noriko held her breath, the pause in Akira’s voice made her feel on edge, “What about?”

“I know you love Sho, but I need you to do something for me.”

Noriko’s mouth went dry, “I would do anything for you.” She croaked, “You’re my best-”

“Fall out of love with him.” Akira stated.

There was a long pause, Noriko didn’t know what to say words failed her and her body turned cold and stiff. There was more and she knew it, but her brain could not process what else there was.

“I’m not telling you this to be cruel, but he is my boyfriend.” She whispered, “And, I’m in love with him.”

 

***TBC***

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to get back to this story. I'll try to post more chapters regularly. Again, sorry. I hope you enjoyed this chapter.


	4. Entry Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be honest, I thought I already posted this chapter. Sorry everyone!

** April 17th 2011  **

 

      _I haven’t talked to Akira in a while and I know I’m acting childish. Very childish. I don’t know how to act any other way. Akira has every right to love Sho, he’s her boyfriend, and she is his girlfriend. That's very hard to admit, but I’m also very upset. The anger, and rage I have over this whole situation wants to bubble out of my being and it’s not fair to her. I’m a horrible person because I’m jealous. I want to be with her boyfriend, and I can’t be happy for her. But, I have to live with her, live with all of this._

_Out of all the girls on campus! Sho had to fall in love with Akira; My roommate, and best friend. And she had to fall in love with Sho, the one guy I saw a future with!_

_I’m not being fair to Yuta either but, I’m never fair to Yuta. I use him for my escape, and my comfort. I know he says he doesn’t care, that I will come to love him. And to be perfectly honest I wish I had met him first. When I met Sho, it was like…love at first sight, and logically I don’t believe that. It happened like this, I was running late for Orientation, and just so I wouldn’t stand out more I just plopped down next to someone. It was in the middle of a welcoming speech._

_“…the person sitting next to you might not be there. So, I want you to introduce yourselves to that person and hopefully change their lives.” There was a collection of nervous laughter when the person running the Orientation said, “I’m not joking, go ahead and introduce yourselves. I’ll wait.”_

_I remember turning and staring into his brown eyes and seeing his smile, I froze. He was the prettiest boy I had ever seen. When I did managed to form words I knew I wanted to be by his side._

_Then school started and I met Akira, the three of us hung out all the time. We were friends. Akira and I were closer, but Sho would come around on occasion. I couldn’t really handle my feelings for him so I was mostly quiet and unsure. We would go support Akira at her competitions and it just felt normal to be around him. It’s hard to believe I’ve had these feelings for almost 3 years, and now Akira’s dating him._

_We’re almost done with our junior year and she’s dating the guy I love. The thing that gets me the most is that I didn’t even realize they liked each other until the rumor of them sleeping together surfaced. I wasn’t even the first to know._

Noriko looked down at her journal wiping her eyes. Yuta must have sensed something was wrong because he turned around and closed his book without looking at it.

“What’s wrong?”

She smiled at his concern and looked down, “Nothing worth mentioning.” she wiped her eyes again and he moved from his desk and sat next to her on the bed. When he moved she shifted so he had more room, but she didn’t look at him, she wanted to hide the tears.

He lightly took her chin making her look at him, “Hey, if it’s on your mind, it’s always worth mentioning.” She smile at his sweetness, “Yuta it’s just so upsetting to like someone so much, and have them not see you.” Noriko relented, and saw the emotion reflect in his eyes. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said-”

“Stop.” he retorted lightly letting go of her chin, “You didn’t offend me. I know you see me, it’s just letting the emotions you feel for me grow.”

Noriko blushed, “Yuta...” she tried to grasp more words, but she couldn’t seem to think of anything.

“I know you’ll see me.” He moved closer, “because you accept my love, maybe not fully, but you accepted me.” He put his forehead to hers and closed his eyes.

Noriko paused in that moment, and felt bad. She liked being with Tamamori. She really did, but she also felt extremely guilty.

“I’m sure it’ll happen.” Noriko whispered, and he pecked her on the lips before moving away.

“Don’t cry over someone that doesn’t see how amazingly special you are.” He said pulling her close to his side and just stayed there.

Noriko looked at him and felt better. Sho wasn’t worth the pain he caused. Plus Akira is her best, and closest female friend. “I’ll talk to you later Yuta-chan. I have something important to do.”

“Alright, I’m here if you need me.” He kissed her softly.

She tugged her journal under her arm and raced out of his room and down to hers. When she got there she grimaced before putting her ear to the door. When no sound was heard, she walked in and saw Akira was alone with her eyes closed lying on her bunk with headphones on. Noriko looked at her friend and dropped her stuff, and she shuffled her feet over to Akira and plopped on the ground next to her bed. Akira turned and jumped a little before pulling out her headphones.

“Yeah?” she probed, sitting up and resting her back to the wall so she faced Noriko.

Noriko looked down and bowed her head, “I’m sorry.”

Akira looked at her, and Noriko saw the frown on her face and her lips thinned.

“I should have apologized sooner, and I should have talked to you sooner, and...” Noriko sighed, “I don’t want to lose you as a friend Akira. Can you forgive me?”

“Yeah, as long as you forgive me.” She said looking down, “I wasn’t being entirely truthful to you about my feelings either. I know it’s hard for you that Sho and I are together. I didn’t even tell you that I liked him, and finding out we were a couple from a rumor...” Akira stopped talking suddenly, “Can we both just start over?”

“Yes!” Noriko breathed, “Please.”

Akira laughed and shook her head, “You’re such a goof.”

Noriko sent her a smile and actually felt okay.

 

**April 27th 2011**

_Evil Demon bastard!_

_It’s been the worst week ever. He gave a test before a test. Who does that? Seriously. It’s finals week and my brain is turning to goo and falling out of my ears. I already had two finals this week. Back to back Statistics and Advanced Electronic Prototyping and Design. I never thought I could be so happy to be done with a class in my life. I love school. I do, I feel like it’s the only thing that comes natural to me. Journal. This…was torture._

_Anyways, back to Evil incarnate…_

_Last week he gave us a test, this was before finals week so obviously everyone was still studying. I didn’t think so many people would make it through this semester without dropping the class. I was proud! Right…tangent. Anyway, when I turned in my test. He grabbed the paper and my wrist so no one would see. He told me to come to his office after the final because he had something to discuss with me. He looked pissed._

_It was only for a moment, but I could see the anger there, before he released me._

_I wonder why._

 

“Noriko?”

She looked up and saw Akira standing in the doorway. “Do you mind helping me with my math?”

Noriko put away the journal and rolled from the top bunk, “What’s wrong? I thought Sho was helping you?”

Akira huffed and Sho walked towards them, “He’s distracting me and I really need to get a decent grade.”

“I told you, all you have to do…”

“Telling me is not SHOWING me! And, you need to keep your lips to yourself mister.” Akira growled and grabbed Noriko’s arm. “Please?”

“You’re only taking intermediate math.” Sho sighed, “I’m taking Trig.”

“Gloating doesn’t help Sakurai.” Akira huffed still holding on to Noriko.

“Alright, I’ll help since you won’t let me go.”

“I can’t wait to be done with math forever?” Akira sighed plopping onto the couch, “It’s not like high school.”

“You got that right.” Sho grinned, “Well, I’ll study my own notes now I suppose.”

“Finally.” Akira muttered winking at Noriko who shook her head. “Don’t you have to meet with your professor sometime today?”

Noriko looked down, “Tomorrow.”

“I hope it’s nothing bad.” Sho interjected, “If you needed help…”

“I’ll ask Yuta-chan.” Noriko shot him a look, before turning away, “Besides, it’s nothing bad.”

Sho looked at her and nodded, while she went back to helping Akira. He had a slight frown on his face after that.

~*~

Noriko woke up and packed a few articles of clothes, but her mind wondered to her perverted professor.

Why me? She pondered as she folded a shirt absentmindedly, Why put the sights on me? Did he really think I was that easy? Did he assume I’d need the grade boost?

She threw down her clothes when she checked the time. She had to go meet him now.

“I can’t keep this up. If he tries something, I’m going to the head of his department.” Noriko murmured under her breath as she grabbed her keys and left the dorm room.

As she was leaving the building, she ran into Tamamori.

“Nori-chan, you going to an exam?” He questioned walking towards her. He held a smile on his face that she just had to match.

“No, I’m meeting with one of my professors about my grades.” She mentioned, “Hopefully it’s nothing bad.”

“How about I go with you?” He chimed, then wrapped an arm around her and pulled her into a side hug, “I can give you support.”

Noriko nodded and wrapped her arms around him automatically, “Sure, why not. It could be boring though.”

“Doubt it. I’m with you.” He teased while kissing the top of her head, and they laced their fingers.

They walked across campus to the administrative building that held their destination. The door was open to Fujigaya’s office, and she let go of Tamamori’s hand. She noticed Fujigaya was looking at some papers so she knocked.

“You wanted to talk to me about my grades, sir?”

Fujigaya looked up from a few papers with a smirk on his face, and then his eyes slid to Tamamori were his smirk was replaced with a smile.

“Ah, Kinjo-san, I wanted to talk to you in private.” He was still looking at Tamamori. “If you would please come in, and close the door.”

“It’ll be fine, I’ll wait for you.” Tamamori encouraged, pushing her into the room.

Noriko swallowed hard and turned to close the door, watching Tamamori as the door closed. When it was fully shut, she felt Fujigaya’s body heat on her back and shivered.

“Why did you bring him?” he whispered.

The words were stuck in her throat. “First, you stand me up, and then you bring him with you.”

“I…” she breathed, “I don’t want y...”

He shushed her, “Don’t lie to me Noriko. I’m not even touching you and I can see you trembling.”

He leaned in closer and Noriko closed her eyes in anticipation, “You want me. I will give you what you want. I’ll make you moan, beg...need release.”

He pressed his body against her back and she shook again, “You don’t want to admit it, but you want me.” A sound escaped her lips and he chuckled, “Soon, you’ll come to me, and I’ll gladly give you everything you want.”

Fujigaya pulled away from her and Noriko felt the warmth leave her.

“Your grades are fine Ms. Kinjo. Have a wonderful summer.” He said opening the door for her to leave.

 

***TBC***

 

** **


	5. Entry Five

** May 18th 2011 **

    _I can’t lie to you journal, I do want him. I want him so badly. I keep going through the last encounter and I can’t stop thinking about it. He was so close, and he felt so right pressed against me. My brain stopped working and so did my breathing._

_I keep trying not to think about him, but it’s not working. It’s crazy, right? It’s crazy. Is it crazy? Am I crazy? He makes me crazy, and the sad thing about this is, I don’t have anyone to confide in. It’s summer, and I’m all alone thinking about this massive thing that happened. And Yuta._

_Poor Yuta…_

_I completely left him in the dark after the encounter. I rushed out of the office, and he chased me half way to the dorm room. After what Fujigaya did Yuta hugged me and I kept thinking about the warmth that was on my back. I felt guilty. I felt guilty being in his arms and wanting someone else. Guiltier than I did when I wished it was Sho kissing me. I am such a horrible person. A horrible person that doesn’t deserve Yuta, or Sho. Maybe I deserve this because Fujigaya makes me think horrible things. Feeling this way, we deserve each other. Just thinking about it…_

_I won’t have to deal with Professor Fujigaya much longer. I realized I only have a semester left and I’ll be graduating. The fact that I’m graduating early makes me giddy and scared. I mean I’ll be on my own, trying to find work, and without my network of friends. It’s my last free summer._

_My last summer before I’m kicked into adulthood, and I am nowhere near ready._

Noriko sat on the porch and let the sun warm her, she’d only been home for a few weeks, and she missed school. She missed the sense of normality that went with going to classes. She missed how simple it was to be around Akira, Sho, and Yuta.

She wondered as she closed her journal what Fujigaya was doing in that moment and if he was thinking about her.

~*~

Working at her summer job was slow, and she wondered how much she had saved over the years. She sat her book down a while ago and tried people watching. She’d not seen a soul since the sun went down a few hours ago.

“Nori-chan.”

She saw Akira walking through the store, “What are you doing here?”

Akira grinned at her friend, “You? I figured you could use a friendly face.”

“Well…” Noriko grinned, “I would have preferred Yuta, but I suppose you’ll do.”

Akira shook her head and laughed, “Do I mean nothing to you now? I can leave you to your loneliness.”

“I am forever in your debit kind mistress; tell me details of the outside world.” Noriko waved her hand, and closed her eyes as if she were in pain.

Akira smirked, “We ran out of running water, and this is the only safe place in 10 miles! You should bar the doors before the horde comes, and give me free ice cream!”

“Pay for it yourself, and you have a deal.” Noriko laughed, and shook her head while Akira stuck out her tongue.

“So, are we ready for your birthday tomorrow?”  Akira asked a few minutes later while she hopped on the counter with her ice cream.

“Define ready?” Noriko questioned picking up her book, when Akira grabbed it from her.

“Come on~” Akira wiggled her eyebrows, “Ready to final~ly be sinful with the rest of us.”

Noriko smiled, “If I wasn’t ready before, I doubt that’d change in a day.”

“I guess that’s the spirit.” Akira handed her back the book, “Maybe Yuta will be there.”

“Maybe.” Noriko smiled and looked down at her book. She watched Akira, and bit her lip thinking about someone other than her boyfriend.

~*~

Akira and Noriko were getting dressed to go out in Noriko’s room. Akira was straightening out her mid-thigh black dress. Turning around every so often in the full length mirror to see the stylish holes going up the sides and eyed the silver that went around her bust line. She nodded at her black satin platform heels.

“Woah Akira.” Noriko commented walking out of her bathroom, “Are you sure it’s my birthday? Because you’re looking as if it’s Sho’s.”

Akira waved her off and walked past her, “You’ll stand out Birthday girl, I’ll make sure of it! My sweet little Noriko will be bold tonight.” She rushed into the bathroom laughing.

“Oh shut up.” Noriko called through the closed door. She glanced in the mirror, and wrapped her arms around herself. Her dress was as short as Akira’s but flared out at the bottom. She was dressed modestly, her hair was down and curly. Her eyes traveled to the silver heart necklace she got in the mail earlier today. Happy Birthday was all it said, and she wondered if Yuta sent it.

“Are you ready yet?” Noriko asked grabbing her shoes from the ground.

“Yes, impatient birthday girl.” Akira called leaving the bathroom and grabbing her arm, “Let’s go!”

The girls made their way to Platinum, one of the better clubs it the Nagoya area. Akira heard about it from someone in one of her dancing classes and thought it would be perfect for Noriko’s birthday. After much waiting they finally got into the club and was surprised. There was also a lot of older men, and young women, and it wasn’t much of a club, but more of a lounge.

“This isn’t what I expected.” Akira said softly, “Do you want to go?”

“I kind of love it Aki.” Noriko whispered grabbing a seat, “Can we stay a bit?”

Akira shrugged, “Whatever you say birthday girl.”

Noriko looked at the small drink menu in front of her and felt someone wrap their arms around her making her jumped.

“Happy Birthday Darling.” Tamamori he whispered in her ear while he hugged her close.

“Yuta? How?” Noriko smiled, “Akira?”

She saw Sho wrap his arm around Akira and winked, “Happy Birthday.”

She felt her stomach flip when she looked at him. He was wearing a dark red shirt, and a black tie. His hair was swept back and looked nice enough to run your fingers through it.

“I was surprised Akira suggested this place, I know the owner.” Sho nodded, “I didn’t get a change to tell her that, but We’ve been friends for ages.”

 “Sho, that’s amazing.” Noriko said, “I never knew.”

“He can be a bit of a mystery right?” Akira smirked lacing her fingers with his, “Can we dance now?”

“Anything for you.” He got up and pulled her with him to the dance floor that was on the far side of the lounge near the bar.

“How about we order some food? I know for a fact Akira’s going to try and get you drunk.” Yuta stated grabbing the menu, “I have to share you, but let’s be alone for a bit.”

She smiled as she looked at Yuta, he was wearing a black vest, and a white long sleeve shirt. He looked so happy and comfortable. She couldn’t help but stare. This was how it should be, she told herself. She reached over and grabbed his hand, and he looked up at her with a smile.

By the time Akira and Sho joined the them again the couple was already finishing their dessert. Akira was leaning into Sho, before she pushed him away.

“Did you order a drink yet?” She asked franticly.

“No, I didn’t.” She grinned, “I knew you’d want to be the first one to do it.”

Yuta grinned as well, “It sucks, I wanted to buy her first drink, but I know how much you would’ve enjoyed it.”

“Noriko, keep this thoughtful man.” Akira nodded reaching for the drink menu, “I know just the thing.”

“Aiba-chan, makes really strong drinks Akira, I don’t know if you should…” Sho started after her.

Yuta looked a bit worried, when she nudged him. “It’ll be fine, and if not. Well, I trust you to protect my virtue.” He laughed and kissed her when a waiter walked towards her with a piece of chocolate cake and Akira came back placing a green drink in front of her.

 “Happy Birthday Noriko.” Sho, and Yuta said at the same time, while Akira hugged her.

“Bottoms up birthday girl.” She whispered. “It’s called Sex on a Pool table. Enjoy.”

Noriko took a long slip, and her friends cheered, after a while she pulled Yuta to the dance floor. They were dancing close, and she put her arms around his neck moving against him suggestively.

“It’s hard to protect you from myself when you dance like this.” He whispered in her ear, making her blush.

“Don’t protect me from yourself.” She pulled him down for a kiss, and he put his arms around her waist as they swayed to the beat. When she pulled away from Yuta she looked towards the bar, and saw him.

Fujigaya was staring right at her with a drink in his hand. She closed her eyes and felt her body heat up instantly. She opened her eyes and he was gone. She shook her head wondering if she imagined his burning gaze.

When they got back to the table Akira was smirking, “Noriko, your face is flushed are you having a good time?”

Noriko looked at her friend and laughed, “I need another drink.”

**May 24th 2011**

_I vow this day, to never drink again! I remember bits and pieces of my birthday night, but the cold feeling of the toilet seat is the freshest. Akira kept telling me how funny, and cute I was when I was drunk, and I know Yuta kept having to hold himself back because I couldn’t keep my hands to myself. He kissed me a few times, but I had this burning in my body that needed more than kisses. The worst thing is Fujigaya might have put it there._

_I’m not even sure if that was him, or if my mind just pictured him there. I’m sure it was him, those intense eyes, and the way he looked at me over that glass as he drank. I couldn’t have imagined that. Could I have? I remember hugging Sho. He told me happy birthday and his lips were so close to my ear. That was the one thing I do remember. I guess he must have been a bit drunk too. Is it bad that I want him to be drunk around me all the time so I can get that attention?_

_I guess it is bad when I’m dating Yuta. I’m so bad to Yuta. Though he is amazing, attractive, and attentive. When we sat eating at the table, I kept feeling his eyes on me. I knew I was the only one he saw. He only looks at me, and I have my eyes and attention else were. I don’t deserve him Journal. Sweet Yuta. I want him, but I don’t deserve him._

 

***TBC***

 

**_ _ **


	6. Entry Six

**June 10th 2011**

_It’s so hot. I know it’s summer, but this heat makes me want to sleep in a running shower. When I left home this morning it felt like my shoes were going to melt to the pavement. I’m not home, I’m hanging out with Akira today which only makes me more confused. She knows how I feel about Sho. I miss Sho journal. I miss how he looked, how he smelt. I miss how I simply loved him. I feel like things have changed so much. Yuta and Fujigaya. Is it weird that I feel like this? Is it weird that my love for Sho went to just attraction and a dream? Sho was the one. He was my one, but he wasn’t mine. Akira saw to that, and yeah it might sound like bitterness, but really I’m just sad. I never had a chance to tell him how I felt. We never got a chance to_

“Why does it have to be so hot today?” Akira whined while lying on the floor. “I wish we could turn on the rain.”

Noriko closed her journal, “That’s so many types of impossible.” She answered and joined her friend on the floor. “So, how have you and Sho been?”

Akira turned to look at her, “That’s the third time you asked about our relationship.”

She looked Akira in the eye and crocked her head, “Really? I hadn’t noticed.”

Noriko looked away from Akira’s suspicious stare, “We’re fine. I love him more than I thought I could love someone.”

“That’s good. Sho deserves enough love to fill two hearts.” She stated looking at Akira, “I’ve always known that.”

“Noriko.”

“I know you’re with him Akira, and I know you love him. But, I’m not stupid when it comes to those jabs. I honestly wanted to know if the both of you were happy. My love for Sho isn’t going anywhere. He will always be my first love. MY first Love. So, love him harder, love him stronger. Be with him, but he will always have an imprint on my heart. That will never go anywhere. I’m trying to get over him, but you pushing me is going to make me hate you.”

“I shouldn’t have said it like that.” Akira admitted sitting up, “I think the heat is getting to me.”

“I think I should go home.”

“You don’t need to leave.” Akira grabbed her arm, “It’s just another thing to get around, I know it’s not easy for either of us, but we’ll make this friendship work.”

She then sat down and they both sat in silence for a while. “Before Sho, I liked someone who wasn’t available.

Noriko nodded with a frown, “Instructor Ohno?”

Akira picked at her carpet and nodded, “He’s my teacher, and I knew that. But, he is so graceful Noriko. He dances so passionately, and when it’s just us practicing it’s as if no one is there. Sometimes I felt guilty, but in time, Sho replaced those feelings. Maybe I’m scared you’ll actually steal him from me.”

Noriko’s thoughts turned to Fujigaya, and she closed her eyes. “He loves you. I could never steal Sho away.” She opened her eyes and looked ahead, “Plus, I have Yuta now and I care for him deeply.”

 The sound of the door made them both jump and then they started laughing at the interruption.

“I’ll get it.” Noriko said standing up and walking towards the door.

“Hello?” she called as she got closer. She heard a muffled answer and checked the window. Sho’s face was close enough to the window that she stumbled back and fell. Akira looked at her with suppressed laughter before opening the door for her boyfriend.

“Sho, what are you doing here?” She giggled while he pulled her into a hug.

“I wanted to surprise you.” He said kissing her cheek, “Hi Noriko.”

“I’ll just sit here.” Noriko muttered. “Hi, so what brings you here?”

Akira looked down at her before pulling away from Sho, and helping her up. Sho smiled and put his hands in his pockets. “I was going to invite Akira to the beach today, but since you’re here too why don’t we all go as a group.”

“I don’t want to seem like I’m a third wheel.” Noriko groaned, “I can just go home.”

“Nonsense!” Akira grinned, “We’ll all go to the beach, just the three of us, you won’t feel like a third wheel.”

~*~

Noriko sat on the beach with a towel wrapped around her under a large umbrella, Akira and Sho were playing around with the tide.

“Come to the beach Noriko. You won’t feel like a third wheel.” Noriko mocked, “It’ll be fun.”

“Come on Noriko! It’s not that bad.” Akira waved her over as she stood next to Sho. He said something and then smirked making Akira hit him. Noriko picked up a hand full of sand, and made a pile.

“I’ll join you guys soon.” She yelled back not looking at her friends.

“Hey, the whole reason we came to the beach was to get away from the heat.” Akira said standing close to her. Noriko looked at her friend and nodded, “And, it’s pure luck we got a spot. So, get off your butt and come into the water. My bikini is wasting its time on you.”

Noriko stuck her tongue out before sighing, “Fine, let’s go. It’s still hotter than the devil’s armpit, so why not.”

Akira smiled and tugged at the towel as Noriko stood up.

They walked over to Sho who was staring in surprise, “Wow Noriko, That swimsuit looks great on you.”

She blushed at his words, “Uh, thanks.”

“Sho.” Akira said tightly holding out her hand, “Let’s go cool you off.”

He tore his eyes away from Noriko with a wicked smirk on his face. He then rushed towards Akira and picked her up.

“NO!” Akira shrieked, when he cared her into the water. “Put me down! No! ahh.”

Noriko watched the scene shaking her head, feeling a twinge of jealousy, but without much hurt. She watched the two of them for a while before walking towards the water. She let it slide over her ankles. When she looked up, Sho was standing in front of her dripping wet with that same wicked smirk on his face.

She opened her mouth but he already picked her up, and was moving her further into the water.

“Sho!” she got out but she was already going under. She spluttered and clawed her way to the surface, while Sho laughed.

“The water’s nice huh Noriko?” Akira called next to him.

“Oh! He’s so dead!” Noriko yelled splashing them both with water.

The trio splashed each other, dunked each other’s heads underwater, and when they caught their breath went to the sand and built sandcastles. The evening brought a chill, and they knew it was time to head home.

 “That was exactly what we needed.” Akira said stretching her arms over her head. She was wearing shorts and her bikini top while her towel was round her shoulders. Noriko walked next to her friend when she looked over at Sho and smiled. He looked back at her, but he wasn’t smiling.

“Yeah.” She said looking away from him, “It was a nice way to shave off the heat. Sho, the hero that saved the day.”

Akira laughed, “My eternal hero.”

“Too much praise!” He groaned, “I just knew it would be nice to go to the beach.”

“We’re here.” Akira said getting out her keys. “Noriko, are you staying?”

She looked at the sky, “No, I have to head home. I have work tomorrow.”

“Sho?”

“I’d love to my heart, but I need to get home.” He pulled her into a hug, and kissed her cheek, “I’ll be back soon and we’ll spend more time together.”

Akira got on her tips toes to peck him on the lips. “You better. Get home safely you two.”

“I’ll make sure Noriko gets to the train.” Sho said kindly, “I know how important she is to you.”

Akira paused, “Sho…”

“It’s fine.” Sho said looking at Noriko. Akira shook her head and started to walk back towards them, “I’ll come too, it’s not that far.”

“It’s fine!” Sho waved her off, while Noriko stood there staring at them back and forth. Akira stopped walking at his tone, and stared at him, “Okay, I’ll talk to you both later.” She said and finally went inside.

Noriko didn’t know what to take away from their exchanged so she turned and started walking towards the train station with Sho behind her. They walked in silence and it seemed to get heavier as they neared the station, once they got there Noriko breathed out, “Thanks for walking me here Sho, but I could’ve made it on my own.”

“You know, You’re really something.” He said rubbing his hair. “I thought you were a nice person.”

“What are you talking about?” she asked squinting her eyes and shaking her head.

“The fact that you say you love and care about someone, but act differently.” He sighed, “I thought you were a good person.”

“Sho you’re not making any sens-”

“Akira said you loved me.” He said cutting her off, “She told me, you loved me, and I didn’t believe her.”

Noriko stared at him, that was all she could do.

“I told her, Noriko wouldn’t selfishly fall in love with her friend’s boyfriend,” He laughed humorlessly, “I noticed you watching me today. More than once, I caught you staring. I want you to keep your eyes off of me.”

“Sho, wait, you don’t-”

“I mean it. Because I’d never hurt Akira.” He shook his head, “The fact that she feels so concerned upsets me, and the fact that she wants to keep a backstabbing friend like you I’ll never understand. But, she’s too nice to tell you to move on, and too nice to tell you to give up.”

“So, I’m doing it for her. I don’t like you.” He finished and stared at her. “Now, move on.”

Noriko tried to keep the tears at bay when he turned around, but they came anyway. They wouldn’t stop even as she boarded the train home, and they kept falling until sleep overtook her.

**June 25th 2011**

_It took me a while to want to write Journal. Akira called me the day after the incident and hasn’t stopped calling me since, but I can’t look at my phone._

_How could she tell him, and not tell him everything? How could he say those things to me? They hurt so badly. I never thought Sho would say such things to me because I never wanted to tell him my feelings. I was getting over him Journal. That day at the beach I was jealous at how close he was with Akira, but not because he loved her. I was jealous because they seemed so comfortable with each other. They seemed made for each other. I was wondering if I would get that or If I had that with Yuta._

_I watched him that day. Sho smiled at her when she was talking to me, he smiled at her when she wasn’t looking. He smiled at her always, and it was beautiful. He really is my first love, and he is happy. I could never have made him that happy._

_I told her earlier that day how I felt, and then Sho went and turned that glorious day into a painful experience. How could I have loved him journal? He’s not worth it and Akira can have him!_

Noriko pulled out her headphones, and saw she had another text from Akira.

            _Please answer me Noriko, we need to talk about this._

Noriko stared at her phone shaking her head, before flipping it over. She then crossing out the last part she wrote in her journal.

_~~How could I have loved him journal? He’s not worth it and Akira can have him!~~_

_I wish I had told him how I felt before. Maybe he would’ve been worth all this pain. But, right now I don’t feel like any of this was worth it._

 

***TBC***

 

** **


	7. Entry Seven

The Tanabata festival was going to start soon, and Noriko was just getting ready. Normally, she went with Akira, but this year she was going to meet Yuta there. Things had been shaky between the two friends and She felt that a little space would do them some good.

She pulled at her midnight blue yukata and stared at her reflection in her bathroom mirror. The yukata was silk and covered in silver cherry blossoms. A gift from her parents on her birthday and, she was so happy to be wearing it.

She tried piling her hair up with her favorite blue chopsticks, but it wouldn’t stay. Groaning in frustration she turned when she heard her mother’s laugh. 

“You look stunning iko-chan.” Her mother was smiling, and shaking her head “Your father is going to brag that he picked out your yukata you know.”

Noriko laughed, “We both know the truth mother, can you help me?”

She nodded and behind her daughter, “I wanted to help you, but I didn’t want to overstep.”

She looked at her mother thought the mirror. They were roughly the same height, but she kept her hair slightly longer, her mother wore hers short, they were of the same built and shared smiles. She was her mother’s daughter. “…then you won’t need me and have to learn to do this on your own.”

Noriko pouted, “No, I’ll always need you mother.” She then laughed, “I can’t do anything.”

“You’re growing beautifully, don’t undo your hard work.” Her mother said softly looking at her with a knowingly.

“You lie.” She let a small smile form, “Plus, you’re the only one who knows the story of Tanabata.”

Her mother laughed and ran her fingers through Noriko’s hair. “I’ll humor you since, I know the story so well.”

She smiled just as her mother parted her lips, still played with her hair.

~*~

There once was a goddess named Tanabata. She was beautiful in every way, but she was also very lonely. Her father was an all-powerful god that gave her a beautiful silk yukata. And, one day she lost it. But, that same day the yukata was found by a young farmer named Mikeran. Mikeran, was a low-born human and had no idea where the lovely silk yukata came from. Even though he could have sold the yukata to be rich beyond his wildest dreams, he decided to hold on to it.

Days passed and Tanabata came to Mikeran looking for her lost yukata. When they met for the first time he was struck by her beauty, just as she was struck by his kind and caring nature. He offered her the yukata, but she didn’t take it. She wanted to stay and talk, to a human who had kept and protected something so precious to her. He noticed her reluctance to leave, so he invited her into his home. They talked over the yukata well into the night, and early the next day.

Tanabata knew she had stayed longer than she meant to, and on her way out conveniently forgot her yukata. This exchange went on for several days, and one day her father found out.

It was forbidden for gods, and goddess’ to interfere with mortals in any way. No interaction at all. So, when her father found her talking to a mortal, and a man no less, he was livid. He dragged Tanabata away from Mikeran. But, what her father didn’t know, was that Tanabata and Mikeran had fallen in love. Tanabata and Mikeran stated how much they had loved each other, and that they would do anything to stay together. But, her father refused. Tanabata knew it would be the last time she laid eyes on Mikeran.

She turned to Mikaran tearfully and stated, “I will never love another, for all eternity.” And went with her father.

Tanabata wept for seven years, mourning the loss of a love that never fully bloomed. Her father’s heart broke for his daughter. He had come to realize that keeping Tanabata and Mikeran apart was cruel. But, even he was forbidden to go against laws such as this.

Soon after his realization, he proposed an idea to Altair and Vega; the guardians that kept watch over the bridge. Their jobs were to keep the humans and gods separate at all times. He’s idea, was for them to take a break. Surprisingly, they agreed. But, the only way they would go was if the bridge connecting the two worlds was destroyed. Tanabata’s father reluctantly agreed to their terms.

So on the seventh day of the seventh month in that seventh year, Tanabata’s father used the precious yukata that started it all, to create a bridge so the two lovers could meet. On that day once a year the two lovers could rejoice in their love before being separated once more.

It’s said that when Mikeran’s mortal soul died, he along with Tanabata became the new guardians of the bridge. And now instead of being worlds apart, the only thing keeping them apart were days and a bridge. And every year on the seventh day of the seventh month they can rejoice in their love once more. All because of a beautiful yukata.

Noriko’s mother had stopped messing with her hair, while she told the story, but she didn’t notice. Just like when she was younger she hung on to every word.

“That’s it.” Her mother said patting her shoulders, “You’re done.”

“There should be more.” Noriko stated, “Only being with the love of your life one time in a whole year? It’s tragic.”

“Well, after being a part of seven years, I think they could wait.” She said hugging her daughter, “Remember it doesn’t matter if you’re a god or a human. Love makes you do strange things.”

Noriko nodded and looked at herself, her mother finished her hair, “Wow. You really out did yourself”

She grinned, “I told you, stunning.”

~*~

Noriko walked next to Tamamori, he was dressed in a blue yukata and kept staring at her.

“I’m not going anywhere.” She laughed nudging him while they walked through the crowd.

“You promise?” He questioned making her pause and look up at him.

“Yuta…” she started, but his brown eyes were pleading down at her. They also held stony determination. “I don’t want to promise something like that.” She finished looking away and biting her lip.

He nodded and turned away while she looked after him swallowing a lump in her throat. Her insides felt clenched, and cold. She hated causing him pain, and she never wanted too, but it was the truth.

“Come on.” She said tugging his sleeve, “Let’s get our wishes written before they light the trees.”

She’d come to love making wishes with Akira and putting them on the wishing tree. It was one of the things she loved the most about the festival. Some strips of colorful paper blew in the wind, but the important ones never left the tree. At the end of the festival, the tree would be sent down the river and burned.

“I wonder when the burning of wishes became a tradition,” Tamamori said looking at her and writing down something. “It’s not like our wishes…”

He stopped talking when a pair of children giggled with their wishes in hand.

Noriko gave him a nasty look, “I’m so glad you thought, before finishing that.” She stated shaking her head, “It’s to give Altair and Vega light to find each other across their bridge. They used the stars when he was human, but they both don’t have that luxury anymore.”

He shook his head and continued to write on his paper when he was finished grinned, “Do you want to know my wish?”

“No, then it might not come true.” She said still holding her slip of paper, “And, I won’t write my wish around you.”

He laughed, “Fine, I’ll be right back.”

Noriko watched him leave and breathed out. She looked at the paper like it was life, exhaling once more she picked up a pencil and wrote the first thing that came to her mind. When she looked down at the little strip, she shook her head and folded it.

“Hey, are you done?” Tamamori asked walking back towards her, she grinned holding up her folded slip. “Okay, let’s go put your next to mine.”

He smiled as he pulled her along. Noriko felt it then. Her resolve was unwavering in that moment as he pulled her through the crowd. He was protective and gentle. Above everything else, he was in love with her.

When the festival started to close, and people cleared out, she sighed and threw her hands over her head, “I’m totally stuffed, that was super fun.”

“I’m glad.” He said nodding, “I’ll take you home now.”

She blushed, “I told my parents I would be spending the night with Akira.”

“Oh, okay, well, I’ll take yo-” She grabbed his arm and he stopped talking.

“I didn’t tell Akira.” She looked at her sandals. “I was hoping another offer would present itself.”

He lightly grabbed her chin to made her look at him, “Would you like to stay with me tonight?”

She nodded once, and he tugged her along much like earlier. Her pulse quickened as she followed him this time because she knew where it would lead.

When they got to Tamamori’s apartment, Noriko noticed how small and clean it was.

“Who would’ve thought you were neat?” Noriko asked as he closed the door behind them.

“I’ve always been neat. The mess is usually Miyata’s.” He held a pained expression. “He wants us to move in together after school, but I keep finding excuses.”

 They laughed and he led her to the sitting room and went to make tea.

“You know, you don’t have to do all of this.” She whispered when the warm drink was in her hand.

He sat down across from her and smile, “Yes, I do. It’s the first time you’ve been to my apartment.”

She took a sip, and looked at him, “Why do you live alone? I mean, why not just stay here instead of in a dorm or at least stay with your parents. I would.”

He grinned behind his cup. “My parents are always gone, busy. I did this to stay out of their hair, and have an illusion of independence.”

“I feel like...Why are you smiling like that?” She asked, He put aside his cup and moved to sit next to her.

“You’re nervous.” He muttered, “You know, we don’t have to do anything Noriko, we could just sleep next to each other, and that would be fine.” She looked at him as he took her cup, rolling it in his hands. “I would never pressure you into anything, you know that. You know I love you.”

Noriko breathed out and grabbed his face, “I want to do this with you Yuta. I’m just not sure how to go about it.”

“We’ll go slow.” He breathed, putting down her cup, and wrapping his arms around her.

She breathed and caught his eyes. “Yuta…I promise.”

He gave her a confused look, and then his lips parted in understanding. When it dawned on him, he crashed his lips to hers. She grabbed hold of his shoulders, and when he let her come up for air she whispered it again.

“I promise.”

_**July 13th, 2011** _

_No regrets Journal._

_After that moment shared with Yuta, I realized I want to be worthy of him. I want to be with him even if I desire Fujigaya. Yuta is my boyfriend, and he is the one I want to love and be with. I’m sure in time I can come to love_ him _and desire him as much as he does me. No more hopefully. I will dedicate myself fully to him and this relationship because he is the one I need. And sometimes the one you need isn’t the one you want. Or so I’ve heard somewhere._

_I know now why everyone talks about sex and how amazing and great it is. Being connected to someone who loves and wants you is an experience I’ll never forget. Being with Yuta, who is gentle and sweet, and never once pressured me into something, made that experience unforgettable. It didn’t hurt either, it was a bit uncomfortable, but not painful. It makes me wonder how many people Yuta has been with, and if he was always this great at making women feel good._

_He’s sleeping next to me now, and I spend more time here at his apartment than at home. Also, I don’t think I’m going to tell Akira. At least not yet._

 

_***TBC*** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No excuses, and I didn't abandon this story.


	8. Entry Eight

“You’ve been really quiet,” Akira said as they unpack their room. “What’s up?”

Noriko shrugged and went back to unrolling one of her many posters. “I’ve got a lot on my mind is all.”

“I don’t think so, there’s more to it than that.” Akira said biting her lip, “You seem kind of off or different somehow.”

“I’m the same me,” Noriko said with a shrug.

There was a knock at their front door.

“Are we seriously okay?” Akira asked, “I’m seriously sorry…”

“I’m over it.” She said sending her friend a smile, “Seriously, now get the door. It could be Yuta.”

Akira stuck out her tongue and went to answer the door. Noriko went back to fixing her side of the room and started in on her desk when two strong arms wrapped around her.

She squeaked, and a light laugh was heard close to her ear. She felt soft lips on her neck and knew it was Tamamori.

“Hello, beautiful.”

It was her turn to laugh, “You’re in a good mood Yuta.” She then turned around in his arms and clasped her hands around his neck.

“I missed you.” He said softly, “It’s not like summer. I miss having you in my arms.”

He then leaned in closer, “And, in my bed.”

She pushed him away and hit him on the arm, “You know we won’t have the time, I’m graduating this semester and I want to have amazing grades. That means, keep your hands to yourself.”

“Classes haven’t started yet.” He said with a wicked grin and backed her up onto her desk. “I could at least be with you now.”

Akira cleared her throat and Yuta backed away looking slightly embarrassed. “Sorry, Akira, I didn’t see you there.” He apologized, “I did come over here with a purpose.”

“I think Noriko and I know what that purpose was Yuta.” Akira declared flatly making him blush.

“No, I mean, Well, see…” He stumbled over his words and Noriko shook her head patting him on the arm.

“She’s teasing you.” She explained, “What did you come over for?”

“I came to tell you that Sho and I will be roommates this semester.” He grinned and Akira looked just as shocked as Noriko.

“What?” they both said at the same time.

“Is this a good idea?” Akira asked.

“What about Miyata?” Noriko questioned.

Tamamori looked confused, “Well, Miyata decided not to come back this semester, something to do with his parents, and Sho and I set this up almost two weeks ago. I thought you would be happy? That way we both can…”

Noriko sighed and Akira looked annoyed, “Sho didn’t tell me?”

“You and Sho talk?” Noriko asked surprised, “I didn’t know you were so close.”

“Not that close.” He said slowly, “But, I thought…”

“You thought right Yuta.” She grabbed his hands and pinned him with an intense look, “Remember, I promised you.”

He kissed her hands, “I know. I will never forget.” He then looked at Akira, “Sho just got here, if you want I can send him over.”

“No, just tell him I’m annoyed.” She smirked, “That’ll make him sweat a bit.”

Tamamori nodded, and squeezed Noriko’s hand once, “I’m going to finish unpacking, I’ll see you both tonight. We could get food or something.”

“Oh yeah! That’s an amazing idea.” Akira said sending him a smiling.

He left the room with a last lingering look on Noriko, the two girls heard the front door close and stared at each other in silence for a bit.

“So, I know why you’ve been so different now.” Akira turned back to her stuff. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Did you tell me about when you and Sho first had sex?” Noriko questioned, “Maybe I wanted to keep this between Yuta and me.”

“Or, maybe you just feel guilty.”

“Excuse you?” She walked over to Akira and grabbed her arm. “How dare you.”

Her face was impassive and her lips had a stern line as she held Noriko’s gaze.

“Get off your high horse Akira. When I made love to Yuta the first time all I thought about was Yuta. When Sho broke my heart I stopped thinking about him.” She squeezed Akira’s arm, “What do you want Akira? Do you want me to keep holding a torch for him or let you have him?

“You’re hurting me,” Akira said through clenched teeth, and Noriko let go. “I just thought…”

“I know what you thought and I wouldn’t use Yuta that way.” She hissed, “Thank you for thinking the worst of me.”

After that, they both unpacked in silence before Akira left the room, while she was gone Noriko sat at her desk and pulled out her journal.

August 13th, 2011

_I’m a liar Journal._

_I just had a fight with Akira, and I wasn’t completely honest with her. The first time I had sex with Yuta. I did just think about him. But, lately I’ve picture someone else, and it hasn’t been Sho. I said I would try with Yuta, and I am. I do have strong feelings for him, but is that enough? Is any of this enough. I feel like the relationship I’ve had with Akira is coming to an end. We fight more than laugh, and we resent each other more than we talk. She was my best friend, and now a guy has come between us. How do we get back what is slowly turning into dust Journal? I don’t want to lose her, but part of me is starting to hate her._

_I think I’m over Sho. I can honestly say I haven’t thought about him half as much as I’ve thought about Yuta, or unfortunately Fujigaya._

_Hopefully, something gives soon. I can’t live like this._

Noriko closed her journal just as Yuta poked his head into the bedroom smiling. “Would you like a repeat of earlier?” he asked stepping into the room when She shook her head.

“Can we just hold each other? I just want to feel your arms around me.” She said softly and saw his expression change from playful to concern. “Don’t worry. It’s just that, I missed you too.”

He smiled before walking over to her bed and holding out his hand. She took his hand and let him into her bed, they laid facing each other with their legs interlocked, and her arms around his neck. She closed her eyes as she listened to his heartbeat, and felt safe.

~*~

“Hey Nori, I didn’t know you’d be in this class.” Shizuko started smiling, “I’m glad, though, how was your summer?”

“It was interesting,” Noriko said moving her stuff over so the girl could sit next to her. “And, I didn’t really plan on taking this class, but apparently I needed it to graduate.”

“Don’t you love when that happens?” Shizuko said rolling her eyes, “But, maybe Molecular Principals and Fusion Theory will be fun.”

“Oh yeah, a blast,” Noriko said and they both started giggling. “So, how was your summer?”

 “It was alright, but I really missed school,” Shizuko said looking towards the front of the class. “Is that weird?”

“No, I understand.” Noriko nodded looking forward, “You feel a sense of normality…”

“Hello everyone, I am professor Fujigaya Taisuke, and I would like to welcome you all to a new semester. I’m glad to announce that this is my first class as a full-time professor. So, please be nice to me.” He bowed his head as a few people laughed and a few girls sighed.

When he strengthened up his eyes swept the room before they landed on her.

She heard Shizuko make a tiny gasping that sounded like a moan, and she shook her head.

“Now, just because it’s the first day doesn’t mean you get off the hook. So, let’s get down to business.” He said crisply and turned towards the board.

“I suddenly remembered why I wanted to be back so soon,” Shizuko said warranting a weak laugh from Noriko. “I have so many things to learn from him.” Shizuko continued with a grin, “I wonder if he gives private tutoring sessions.”

Noriko shrugged, feeling something hard in a pit of her stomach the more Shizuko talked. She watched Fujigaya’s hands and back. She gripped her mechanical pencil hard and tried to focus on her notes.

When She made it back to her dorm she was having a hard time keeping her mind on one task. She kept going back to Professor Fujigaya, and she hated that. She walked in and tossed her bag on the couch before walking towards her room.

“Hey, Sho and Akira sent me too…” Yuta stopped talking and shut the door behind him before walking towards her, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I’m just annoyed I missed dinner.” She put on a smile and pulled him into a kiss. It was soft and sweet. But, as she closed her eyes she pictured someone else and pushed him away slightly. Tamamori was smiling at her and pulled her into another kiss.

She pulled him into the room and closed the door. In no time they were on her bed, and their clothes on the floor. Tamamori was on top of her, kissing her, making love to her, and she thought about another. As her mind formed the picture of Fujigaya’s face, she bit her lip to stop a moan in the form of his name.

As Noriko laid next to Tamamori, he sat up to look at her. He kissed her forehead and smiled happily down at her, “Noriko, I love you so much.”

She smiled instantly, and he ducked his head a bit as if he were shy. Then abruptly his faced changed as if a thought came to him suddenly.

“Marry Me.” He said.

August 23rd, 2011

_Fuck._

_Just, Fuck._

_Yuta asked me to marry him. I can’t marry him Journal, you know I can’t. This was after we made love and I was thinking about Fujigaya._ Taisuke _, his name is_ Taisuke _. I can’t run from this anymore Journal, I really want_ Taisuke _. He was right, He was always right, and I can’t do anything about it. My mind is telling me over and over again to stop thinking about him, stop lusting after him, but I have this sort of hope that maybe_ Taisuke _doesn’t just want my body. Maybe, he actually wants me. All of me. And as much as I want to keep Yuta around because he makes me feel good, and he’s a good guy. I realizeI’m just keeping him trapped and away from a good girl to come along and love him how he should be loved. I’ve lied to him, and I know. I believe I always knew I would break my promise of not going anywhere. I want to stay with him Journal just a bit longer. I know it’s wrong, but I want to make him happy a bit longer before I break him fully._

 

***TBC***

 

_ _


	9. Entry Nine

** September 14th, 2011 **

_I don’t feel well journal. I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that something bad is going to happen._  
_Maybe, I’m just feeling the end of my relationship with Yuta. But, It could be something else_

“Nori,” Shizuko whispered sitting next to her. “What’s up?”

She slammed her Journal and laughed, “Oh, Shizu, Hi.”

Shizuko laughed, “I startled you didn’t I? I’m sorry. Don’t worry, I didn’t read anything. I know about keeping secrets.” She said putting a finger to her lips and winking.

She slid her journal into her backpack and laughed at her antics, “So am I. I am a vault.”

“I can see the key in your backpack.” Shizuko teased making Noriko nudged her. “Is this why you always come to class early?”

She nodded, “You never know when creativity will strike, or the need to say something no one else knows about.”

Shizuko nodded as Fujigaya walked into the classroom. Noriko pulled out her notebook and noticed Shizuko blushing and biting her lip.

“I know what you mean, sometimes I have thoughts I doubt anyone should hear,” Shizuko said staring hard at the professor, which made the heavy feeling in Noriko’s stomach intensify.

~*~

Noriko sat in between Yuta and Sho and kept her hand in Yuta’s. She tried to pretend Sho wasn’t even there as she watched Akira crush her dance routine.

Akira did a mix of all dances, and seeing that on stage was interesting. Noriko noticed how alive her friend looked on stage, and knew this was something she could do for the rest of her life. With or without money involved, this was Akira’s element. Her whole being.

When the showcase was over there was no doubt in Noriko’s mind that Akira deserved her trophy.

“Ah!” Akira said plopping onto the couch, “I’m so happy it’s over, I practiced my ass off.”

“There was no doubt in my mind you’d win.” Sho said grinning, “You were amazing up there.”

“I honestly didn’t believe you could dance like that Akira.” Tamamori said, “I’m super impressed.”

She beamed at the praise and Noriko noticed a faint blush. Akira was still uncomfortable with the compliments, it was a small thing, but she deserved them.

“I’m happy for you Akira.” Noriko said hugging her, “This has to be a major accomplishment.”

Akira beamed, “Yeah, It is. Instructor Ohno even hugged me, and told me I did well.” Her eyes got far away, and Noriko smiled at her knowingly making Akira laughed, “Anyway, let’s drink to celebrate!”

“I wish I could, but I have a project due soon, and I need to start on it.” Tamamori grinned pulling Noriko up so he could give her a proper goodbye.

They walked hand in hand to the door, and he kissed her, “Have fun, just not too much.”

“Yuta, we should talk…”

He put a finger to her lips and shook his head with a rueful smile, “Not tonight, you have fun with Akira and Sho.”

She nodded and he removed his finger, he kissed her once more and left without another word. Noriko watched him go with uneasiness as she walked over to Akira and Sho. They were sitting opposite to each other pouring shots.

“You couldn’t wait?” Noriko yelled exasperated, taking the third chair between them.

“Nope.” Akira slid a glass towards her, “Now, time for little Nori-chan to play catch up.”

Noriko had two shots and made herself a screwdriver with mostly orange juice. She watched as Akira pounded her fourth shot of vodka, and Sho grinned before matching her.

“I think you both should slow down,” Noriko warned when Akira shook her head.

“Non-sense. We’re fine.” Akira slurred, which made Sho laugh.

They moved from the table to the couch, after a while Akira started giggling at a joke she never told and Sho’s head lulled back and forth. Noriko stood next to the bedroom door smiling at their drunk antics, her head was cloudy, and she felt pretty good.

“How much did you drink Akira?” Sho asked sitting up, Akira giggled.

“Uh, I lost count.” She slurred, and went to stand up, but immediately plopped back down on the couch. She started laughing when Sho joined her and Noriko cracked a smile.

“I feel so happy!” Akira shouted, “I can’t believe we’re still friends after everything.”

Noriko started to feel uneasy, “Akira…” she whispered

“I mean, I told you about my feelings for Instructor Oh-”

“AKIRA!” Noriko bellowed, “Let’s get you to bed.”

“I’m not tired!” Akira whined when Noriko grabbed her arm and pulled her up. She struggled to get her friend into their bedroom and closed the door behind them. She didn’t see Sho’s reaction and didn’t want to know the mess that was waiting for her.

Noriko helped Akira take off her shirt, “I don’t want to go to bed, and I don’t want you alone with Sho!”

She sighed, “Why not? He hates me. You have nothing to worry about.”

“He does not! Which is why I don’t want you both alone!” Akira moved away from her, “He told me before. He thought you were cute and we got into a huge fight.”

“Well, you don’t need to worry about anything Akira. Just lay down.” Noriko said putting a trash can next to her bunk. “I think you’ve drunk enough.”

“I’m not tired!”

“I’ll get you some water.”

“I’M NOT-”

Noriko closed the door behind her and leaned against it before rushing over to the sink and filling a glass of water.

“How long has Akira had feelings for her dance instructor?” Sho asked looking over at her. Noriko spilled some of the water on her hand but didn’t answer him.

“Noriko?”

“It’s not my business to tell, plus, you’re both drunk. Neither of you will remember this in the morning.” She rushed past him to get to the bedroom. When she walked into the room Akira was holding the trashcan loosely and snoring lightly.

She put the glass of water on the desk on opposite side of the room, and slowly backed out.

“It’s going to smell like throw up in there.” Noriko sighed making Sho look at her.

“I’m not that drunk you know.” He said, “I can hold my alcohol.”

“You and Akira were going shot for shot Sho. You can’t be entirely sober.” She sighed again, “You can take the covers off my bed, and sleep on the couch. I’ll go to your room and sleep next to Yuta.”

“You’re always trying to escape. What’s wrong? Can’t spend five minutes alone with me now?” He teased, “We all use to be so close.”

“Use too.” Noriko stated, “I don’t really want to be alone with you Sho, not after what happened this summer.”

He nodded, “Akira finally told me the truth. I should’ve called you and said I was sorry, but I didn’t want you to…”

“Fall in love with you again?” She rolled her eyes, “Get over yourself Sho, I have.”

He got up snakingly from the couch, “You can get over me that quickly?”

“Sho sit down, you’re drunk.” Noriko pleaded, “We can have this conversation after we’ve both had some sleep, and sobered up.”

He walked over to her and She held him back, “Sho, what are you doing?”

“If I kissed you right now, would you feel nothing?” He whispered putting his hands on her shoulder, “I could just pull you in and nothing would happen to change our relationship.”

“Our relationship has already been changed.” She reminded him shaking off his hands, “We can’t go back.”

“I want you to like me again.”

“I do.” She said nodding and He shook his head.

He then swiftly kissed her.

Noriko stood paralyzed, his lips were moving softly against hers and she knew she should stop him. Her hands went to his shoulders, but instead of pushing him away she pulled him close. Instead of demanding he stopped, she closed her eyes and gave in.

**September 26th, 2011**

_We were both drunk. That’s all I have to say, we were both drunk, and it didn’t mean anything. I say that over and over since that day.  
Also, Akira doesn’t need to know. It didn’t mean anything._

_Who am I kidding? This was the guy who held my heart. He owned the earth, the sky, the moon, and the stars of my life. That kiss meant everything to me, but it wasn’t mine to have. He’s not mine to have, and even if something like this broke them up, I’d try to get them back together. I understand how great they are together. How happy they are together. Sho and Akira work. They just do. They’re one of those couples that you could physically see the strings connecting their hearts. I know for a fact that Sho and I could never work._

_I was going to break up with Yuta that night too. Maybe this event just solidified the fact that Yuta and I are so wrong for each other. I don’t deserve him, and I don’t love him enough. I do love Yuta. I know I do. I wouldn’t have slept with him or tried to be with him if I didn’t love him on some level. It’s not the same level of love I held for Sho, and it’s not the lustful infatuation I have for Professor Fujigaya._

_I feel bad for having to break his heart, and my promise, but I want Taisuke. I need to see where things go with him. After I finished kissing Sho, my mind didn’t go to my boyfriend, but to Fujigaya._

_How would he_   _react? Would he be angry? Journal, when did he claw his way so deeply into my thoughts?_

She put away her journal and finished composing the email to Fujigaya on a study session. She was finally going to give into her need, and stop running away from him.  
She slung her backpack over her shoulder and rushed out of her room leaving her journal on her desk.

When she got to the door of the lecture, Shizuko grabbed her arm with a huge grin on her face.

“Where’s the fire Shizuko?” Noriko asked the other girl told her to be quiet. It was getting closer to the start of class, and Noriko was getting nervous. “Shizu-chan.”

They got to an alcove far away from prying eyes, and Shizuko made sure no one was around. She pulled Noriko down on the bench next to her.

“You’re scaring me.”

“I didn’t have anyone else to talk to. This is huge, and I need your vault Nori-chan.” She whispered, the grin never left her face, “I know we’re close in class, but I felt like I could trust you with this.”

“With what?” Noriko questioned, “And like I said before I’m a vault. You can tell me anything.”

“I slept with Professor Fujigaya Last Night.” She said softly.

***TBC***

** **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've just finished this story so I'll be updating a lot more frequently. I have a bonus chapter called His Entry, and I'll be making a private OST video for this Fanfiction if anyone is interested. I'll link it at the bottom of whatever Chapter I finish it on. Thank You again for reading.


	10. Entry Ten

The words Shizuko uttered rang in her head throughout that day, throughout the week, and well into the month of October. Noriko couldn’t stop thinking about them. She was sitting on the floor in Yuta’s room trying to concentrate on her homework. Which was ironically for Fujigaya’s class, but she couldn’t. She had to meet him in a few minutes and she couldn’t focus on anything.

“Is it really hard?” Tamamori asked dragging her out of her recurring thoughts.

“Um?” She looked up and shook her head, “No, I’m just…distracted.” She closed her book and started to pack up. “I’ll see you later Yuta, I think I’m going to head to my room.”

He nodded with a frown, “You know you can tell me what’s wrong. Right?”

She gave him a far-off look and nodded, “Yeah, I know.”

He got up and walked with her towards the door, then he leaned in for a kiss. She moved back and looked down. “Yuta…”

“No. It’s alright. I’ve changed my mind don’t tell me anything.” He looked into her eyes and cupped her face in his hands, “It’s okay, everything will be okay.”

She felt tears sting her eyes, “Yuta.”

“Don’t say anything else.” He wiped away her tears as his own gathered in his eyes, “Please.”

“I…” she swallowed, “We should break up.”

“If it’s about the proposal…”

“No, Not fully.” He nodded and dropped his hands, “No, Yuta, you’re not the problem. I shouldn’t have done this to you, you deserve better than me.” She took his hands, “Someone who could truly love you.”

“I want you.” He whispered, “I don’t want anyone else, but you.”

She dropped his hands, and stepped away from him, “Why is this so hard?” she whispered to herself, “I can’t be with you anymore Yuta. I wish I could, I want to love you just as much as you love me, I want to. God, do I want to, but we don’t work, and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Yuta.” She felt her tears slide down her cheeks.

“You promised.” He said softly letting his tears flow, “You promised me.”

Her shoulders shook, “I know and I shouldn’t have done that.”

He closed his eyes as if her words stung. He shook his head, turned his back, and wiped his eyes with his wrists. Noriko ached to lay her head between his shoulder blades and hold him. She didn’t want to hurt him, she never did, but she knew this was for the best.

“I’m sorry.” She said choking on a sob and rushing out of his room. When she got far enough away she wiped her eyes again. She knew her they were puffy and red.

“I didn’t think that would be so painful.” She breathed out trying to calm her breathing, “I really am a horrible person.”

She had to get to her meeting with Fujigaya, but after her break up with Yuta she didn’t feel anything but sadness. When she got near to his office she saw the door was slightly ajar. Peeking in she saw him slumped over his desk with his hands woven in his hair. His glasses were sliding down his nose and from what she saw he looked tired.

She wiped her eyes once more and knocked to get his attention. He looked up quickly and stood up, a smile crawled on his lips before a smirk replaced it.

“Close the door please.” He said softly, and she did what he was told. “So, you’ve come to talk about your grade?”

She nodded mutely and sat in front of his desk, he looked at her, “Are you alright?”

She shook her head, “I came here for a reason and now I’m not so sure it’s important.”

“What’s wrong?” He asked moving around his desk to sit in front of her, “Tell me.”

Noriko looked up at him even from this angle she couldn’t deny how attractive he was. The carnal part of her took charge and trapped him on his desk. She and rubbed up against his thighs and brought him into a slow kiss.

She pulled away watching his eyes, “I broke up with him for you.” she sighed, “I broke his heart for you.”

He grabbed her chin, “You shouldn’t have been dating him.” He started kissing her roughly and pulled away, “You knew that.”

She bit her lip, his kisses always made her feel heated, “I wanted him.”

He pulled her roughly to him and kissed her once more, “No, you didn’t. You want me. You only want me.”

 “Professor Fujigaya.” Noriko hissed, “You think…”

He kissed her neck and she couldn’t seem to form proper thoughts.

“You think, I don’t know what you’ve been doing?” She sighed under his ministration, and he paused making her whimper.

He pulled away and frowned, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He leaned away from her.

She moved back as well, “I’ve heard how you’ve been sleeping with girls from my class. You’re not as clever as you think.”

He glared at her, “What?”

“Shizuko told me how you slept with her.” She said folding her arms, “Why can you be with someone else when I can’t? It seems like a double standard.”

His face contorted into anger, “You think I need to use such manipulation to have you?”

“I know everything.” Her eyes held fury, “You needed excuses before why is this different? But, despite all of that I still-”

“You know everything,” He shook his head creating a heavy paused, “You think you know everything.”

She gaped at him but he kept going, his eyes intense and furious, “You’re being misled, and I thought you were smarter than this. Get out.”

“You have no right to dismiss me.” She hissed, “I know you changed my grades to get me here in the first place. I compared notes with some classmates. You’re an evil bastard.”

“I said get out.” He snarled, “I might be an evil bastard, but there is still so much you don’t know. I’m done with you, I can’t believe I even entertained the idea…Leave!”

She felt the tears but tried to let her anger smother them. Her eyes were blurry before she turned away from him and she hoped he didn’t see them start to fall. As confidently as she could she left his office and the building.

Her tears fell heavy as she walked quickly back to her room. She opened the door to her room with sounds of shouts.

“Fuck you!” A scream followed as the door opened and out stumbled Sho. He closed the door behind him and looked at her.

“You shouldn’t go on there.” He said softly, “I told her about the kiss.”

She blinked out the remainder of her tears, “I broke up with Yuta, I have nowhere else to go.”

“You broke up with Yuta?” He sent her a tired look before turning around, “Well, I guess we’d better face our own music then.” He looked back at her as if just remembering something, “You didn’t break up with him because of…?”

Noriko sighed her annoyance, “Get over yourself.” She turned the door and walked in before he could say anymore. “Akira?”

Akira was bent over and turned to her with tears streaming down her cheeks, “It’s not true, is it?”

“Akira listen to me, he was drunk he didn’t know what he was doing.” She said quickly, “I didn’t know what he was doing.”

“Don’t LIE to me.” She screamed, “You’ve always wanted him! You’ve always wanted to steal him!”

“That’s not true.” Noriko countered angrily. Some of the fury from before was trying to spill out of her but she kept in, “Akira I realized, I saw-”

“Save it! You’re a despicable person. You’ve always wanted my boyfriend from day one, and as soon as his guard is down, and my back is turned, you kiss him. You’re a fucking bitch Noriko and I hate you!” Akira cried before running out of the door and slamming it behind her.

Noriko knew she’d hurt her friend. Just as she knew Akira would be in the dance studio, crying or dancing or just letting the music of the other majors wash over her. She knew Akira so fully and let the words Akira had screamed stab her deeply.

She walked into their joint room and grabbed her journal.

_**October 28 th, 2011** _

-

** **

***TBC***


	11. Entry Eleven

November 14th, 2011

_I couldn’t force out anything that had happened to me Journal. That day was possibly the worst day of my life. I was such an idiot to think Sho wouldn’t tell Akira about that drunken kiss. I was such an idiot to think Professor Fujigaya wanted anything other than sex, and I was such an idiot to think I could force myself to love Yuta._

_My heart hurts for him the most. Yuta. I wanted to love him so much. I gave him so much, but he gave me more, so much more than I deserved. I’m a fucking bitch, Akira was right. I did want Sho from day one, but I wanted him longer than day one, and I gave up on him. Couldn’t she see that? Can’t she see that they belong together? I want to tell them everything. I want to be open with everyone, but I’ve hurt my best friend, my first love, and the person that loved me. How can I fix this?_

_I’m graduating soon, and I don’t want to leave this place with Akira and Yuta hating me. But, I don’t think they’ll be willing to talk after all of this. As for Taisuke…_

She felt a cold shiver pass through her and rubbed her arms before picking back up her pen.

_I owe him an apology as well. I accused him of something I didn’t even know was true. He’s pushy and aggressive, but he’s right. I don’t know anything about him. Ugh! I’m such an idiot._

Noriko closed her notebook and put everything in her backpack before walking across campus to get to the apartment dorms. It was getting closer to winter finals and her unavoidable winter graduation. She didn’t need the excuse to be in the library since Akira wasn’t talking to her and she had no one she was really close too. But the weight of her loneliness was crushing her, and she needed to do something about it.

When she got to her destination she knocked and saw Sho with yellowing bruises on his face and around his eye.

“What happened!” she almost shouted when it dawned on her, “Yuta!”

“He’s not here.” Sho sighed, “What do you want?”

She shifted her backpack from one shoulder and sighed, “Come on. Let’s go get the love of your life back.”

They walked silently towards Noriko’s room and Sho paused, “Why are you doing this for me? Why do you care about me so much?”

“I care about her.” She stated, “Akira is beautiful, talented, and envied. I was jealous because I loved you first and felt entitled to you. I met you first, crushed on you first, loved you first, but I could never compare to what you two have together. She deserves a guy that looks at her the way you do.”

Sho started at Noriko and cocked his head, “You deserve it too. I’m sorry I said those things, and that I kissed you.”

She nodded, “I’m sorry I kissed you back. I wanted to know what it was like to be yours just once, but I never will be, and that’s okay.”

They got to the door, “Here.” She said handed him the key, “Don’t take no for an answer. I’m going back to the library.”

She turned to walk away when Sho grabbed her arm. “I was wrong that day. You’re a great friend to Akira and to me.”

That made her feel lighter than she had felt in a long time. She knew she should talk to Yuta, but as she walked towards the library she realized she had said all she needed to say. Once the weight had been slightly lifted off her shoulders she really got back into studying.

~*~

It was early evening when she was at her door, she remembered she didn’t have a key and knocked.

“It’s open.” A muffled call said behind the door, and she walked in tentatively.

Sho was sitting on the couch facing Akira, making her pause, “No, it’s okay.” He smiled, “I was just leaving.” He grabbed Akira’s hand and kissed her knuckles. Noriko watched her friend's face go serene then blushed when she was caught. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He handed Noriko her keys and grinned at her before leaving the room and closing the door behind him.

“Hey.” Akira said, “Look…can we start over?”

Noriko smiled weakly and blinking away tears, “No.,” she said softly shaking her head.

Akira looked sad before running her fingers through her hair, “I’m sorry.”

“No, that’s not what I meant.” She dropped her backpack and rushed towards her friend, “We can’t keep starting over once something bad happens.”

She nodded, “I just want all this to stop.”

“I understand, but I want my friend. I want a true friend, and I know you’ll always be it.” Noriko sighed, “I know I haven’t been fully honest with you and I want to change that if you’ll let me.”

Akira nodded, “Shoot. I’m here for you, no matter what.”

Noriko breathed out, “I have a lot to say though.”

“I’ll get water.” Akira said smiling, “Sho told me what you did, and said…” she paused, “He tells me everything.”

“I know.” Noriko grinned, “It’s my turn now.”

So she did, Noriko told Akira about Yuta and their failed relationship, Noriko told Akira about how she’d finally gotten over Sho, Noriko even told Akira about her most guarded secret.

“A teacher?”

“Professor.” Noriko whispered, “He’s…”

“Hot?” Akira questioned moving closer, “Man, I wish I was a science major.”

Noriko laughed, “He’s very attractive and smart but also something I can’t quite explain.” She thought about Fujigaya, his voice, his eyes, his intensity.

“You love him.” Akira said finally, “I thought it was Yuta. When you talked about him and how you never wished to hurt him I thought it was Yuta, but it’s this professor. He’s like Instructor Ohno, but different. Very different.”

Noriko blushed and shook her head, “No? No. NO! I don’t love him. I hardly know anything about him.”

Akira grinned, “But you think about him non-stop, you dream about him, and even though you know nothing about him, you want to know him. You want to solve the puzzle that is him. Hell, he even got you to get over Sho, so that’s a plus in my book.”

“Shut up Akira.”

They talked well into the night and early the next day.

** November 15th, 2011 **

_I told Akira Everything. I told her about the feelings I had about her and Sho, though she already knew. I told her EVERYTHING about Yuta, in detail. Except for a few things I would like to keep for myself. Yes, Journal I’m blushing, but let’s move on. I also told her about my feelings for Taisuke Fujigaya._

_Feelings for Taisuke…_

_I didn’t think I would write that, but Akira told me it was love. He drives me crazy and I love and hate it. He pushes me and I push back. But, he’s still a complete mystery. How could I believe, honestly believe I knew everything? I don’t know anything about the man, and I don’t know if Shizuko was lying or not. Either way, I do have to apologize to him and I’ll do it after finals. He deserves that much especially since I’ll never see him again once I graduate._

~*~

Noriko lay in her bed. The room was slowly being packed away, with finals looming closer it was better to pack before last minute. Posters and pictures were taken down, she tried to close her eyes, and sleep but it kept evading her.

It could’ve been the 3 cups of coffee she had drank to memorize a few more equations, but that had been hours ago, and now she couldn’t pin point her emotions. Nervousness, excitement, Sadness. A swell of something. She reached next to her bed and pulled out her journal that was tucked in her backpack. Picking up her book light or as Akira called it, her Journal light. She got comfortable with her back against the wall.

** December 5th, 2011 **

_I’m graduating soon, in a few days and honestly, I can’t believe it. A winter graduation, graduating a year early, a semester early. It’s a lot to take in, so much that I don’t know how I feel. I know journal it sounds like I’m complaining. I want to get out of here, experience life away from studying and a safety net. But, I’m going to miss this too. I’m going to miss study sessions with Akira, and Sho. I’m going to miss walking to classes with Yuta by my side. I’m going to miss…_

She paused, her throat suddenly felt dry.

_I’m going to miss him. It’s completely illogical. He’s a professor and I’m me. He’s such a wrench in everything I’ve known and I just don’t understand how I could’ve gotten in this mess. Akira says I love him. Love him. I don’t know what love is. I loved Sho, I loved Yuta. But, he’s different. All of this is different. Not bad, just different._

_How does he factor into my future? How does any of this? Maybe I’m getting to deep journal and I should just let it all take its course like Akira said, but I can’t seem to turn off my brain. What did he do to me Journal? Is this love? Lust? Both?_

_Could this be real? So many questions and no answers._

She closed her journal and put it back in her backpack. Even though it was a jumble of words and questions, she felt better, almost rested. Seeing the messy strings of thoughts on the page made her breathe a little easier. The feelings of uncertainty were still there, but she could sleep now and that was all that mattered. She closed her eyes and fell into a dreamless sleep.

Finals started to end and all thoughts of anything else, anyone else, slipped from her mind. As she looked at herself in the mirror with her purple cap and gown on. It dawned on her that this was really happening. She was graduating.

“Nervous?” Akira asked and she nodded at Akira grin, “Well, you look like a nervous graduate.”

“I feel like one.” Noriko gasped, “I haven’t looked for any jobs in my field yet! I already have one internship lined up, but it might not be enough, Oh crap one if…”

“Breathe Noriko.” Sho smiled, “You haven’t even walked across the stage yet, keep it together.”

“Yes, listen to my talented man.” Akira smiled, “He’s good for some things.”

“Plus, you’re smart…ish.” He finished with a smirk making Akira hit him.

“I hate you.” Noriko glared at him through the mirror making him laugh. She looked at herself once more and turned to look at them properly. “Try not to get too lonely here without me.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll see you around. College is in your blood now.” Akira hugged her, “Let’s get you across the stage before saying your goodbyes, yay? All of them.” She finished with a wink making Noriko blush.

She was glad her cheeks cooled down when she saw her parents who hugged her and went on her way to get ready to walk. She slowed her breathing and tried to relax, but her palms had kept getting sweaty. There were clapping and cheers so often, and when her row got up she did it smoothly without stumbling or walking too fast.

She wanted to find her parents, Akira, and Sho in the crowds of people but she knew it would’ve been impossible.

“Kinjo Noriko, Bachelors of Science, Summa Cum Laude.”

She shook hands not even sure who she was smiling or shaking hands with and as soon as it started, it was over. Noriko felt like she blinked and she was in a hotel room with Akira.

“I don’t understand how you stood that, it took forever to get to you.” Akira said grinning, “Did you hear us screaming?”

She smiled weakly, “I don’t remember anything after my name being said. It felt surreal, you know? Like, I was having an out of body experience.”

“You better be in your body when you sit through mine,” Akira said grinning as she sat next to her on the hotel bed. “I want the works! Flowers, screams, a parade...”

 “Of course, miss special degree.” Noriko smirked, “Do you also want a cake?”

“With my face on it.” Akira smirked back making Noriko laugh, “See, I don’t ask for much.”

“Oh, No. Not at all.” Akira’s laughter joined hers and Noriko felt at peace. She felt ready to move on from college and start a new chapter.

“So?” Akira asked after their laughter turned into a comfortable silence, “Did you see him?”

Noriko shook her head, “I wouldn’t have even known if he was there, but I figured it didn’t matter. We’ll never see each other again.”

“Not with that attitude.” Akira sighed, “You won’t even try?”

She paused grabbed Noriko’s hands, “I don’t think he slept with that chick from your class.”

“Akira…” Noriko started frowning, “I-”

“No, shut up, listen to me.” Akira cut her off, “It could’ve been a rumor she started so everyone would envy her, or maybe he refused to sleep with her so she’s trying to get him fired.”

 “I won’t know.” Noriko said getting up, “Unless I ask.” She then put on some clothes and slipped out into the hallway. She heard Akira call ‘That’s my girl.’ before the door closed firmly behind her.

It was close to sunset a few people were scattered around campus, the school was ending so not many people had a reason to walk around campus.

As she walked she saw different buildings smiling as a memory hit her randomly. When she got to the administrative building she hoped it was open. She pulled on the handle and let out a breath before laughing.

“Get a grip Nori,” She whispered, “It’s not like he’ll actually be in his office, this isn’t some movie.”

She felt more grounded after that and walked into the building. He feet echoed in the normally busy place, and she took the stairs instead of taking the elevator. When she got to the second floor and walked down the hall she was astonished to see the light from his office shining into the darkening hallway.

As she walked towards the room she kept thinking, “He won’t be there. He won’t be there. He won’t.”

But, he was. His back was turned to her and he was putting books into a box that lay open on his desk. His white shirt was rolled up to the elbow and she watched as he stretched and moved so gracefully. He dumped more books into the box before turning to look at her as if sensing her presence.

“Are you leaving?” she whispered quietly.

“It’s the end of the semester.” He turned away from her, “Of course I’m leaving.”

She walked into the room quickly, “You know what I mean, are you leaving the school for good.”

He shrugged, “It shouldn’t matter to you now. You’ve graduated, there’s nothing for you here now.”

She swallowed hard and moved away from him, “I came to apologize. I shouldn’t have accused you of sleeping with Shizuko. Not when I didn’t know the whole story, and not when she could’ve been trying to get you kicked out.”

“Who says she didn’t succeed.” He said putting the box down and sitting on his desk. She gave him a horrified look and he grinned at her, “She tried, but of course, no one believed an assistant professor just turning full professor would ever do something so foolish.”

Noriko breathed and then hit him, “I was really worried!”

“I noticed,” He said, “But, why? Why would you be so worried about someone you think is a liar, someone that sleeps around with every student that wants him? Why be concerned they’re leaving?”

“You know why Taisuke.” She was standing in front of him now, “You’ve always known why.”

He slowly got up from his desk and advanced towards her, “Have I?” He said in a low purr, “Have I really always known why? Do you care about me?”

He was close, so close. She could feel the heat from his body and wanted to melt into it. He trapped her between his body and the wall closest to the door.

“You can’t leave. Not now.” She felt her breath come short. This uncontrollable need to be with him was all she could feel in her body. He moved his head so she could feel his breath on her neck.

“You know what I want to hear Noriko.” He whispered lightly making her break out in goosebumps.

“I want you Taisuke.” She whispered softly, “God do I want you.”

He sighed and locked the door before pulling her into a kiss. She thought it would be rough and hungry, quick and fast, unforgiving. But he was a slow kisser, and smooth. The hands she watched often in class were soft and feather light. She felt dizzy, and she wanted more. His whole demeanor was a definition of silk and softness, but the underline want and need were there. All she could really focus on was to keep breathing because every time he pulled away she wanted him closer. Every time she needed to breathe again from a kiss she wanted to just feel his lips.

She wrapped her legs around him and he carried her to his desk.

“I want you.” She whispered looking up at him, “Please don’t stop.”

~*~

She sat with her legs around him breathing him in as he held her close. They were both sitting on his desk chair, and he hadn’t told her to leave or stopped holding her. Noriko could get lost like this. He rubbed her hair and kissed her.

“I didn’t know you were into cuddling.” She said finally smiling when she felt the laughter in his chest before hearing it.

“Not many knows.” He said softly, “No one gets this close.”

She pulled back and he looked at her, his eyes were a dark reddish brown. That was as close as she could think, beautiful and crisp. She kissed him suddenly, and pulled away, “I don’t want to leave your arms.”

He smirked, “You don’t have to.”

She sighed, “I should head back, I'm supposed to be leaving to go home.”

He nodded and let his hands fall. They both dressed wordlessly, but she felt his eyes on her. She walked towards the door when he hugged her from behind. “Wait.” He said breathing out, “This is new to me.”

She tensed, but said nothing, “I know you’re probably thinking I do this often. But, I don’t, and you’re different. Special…”

He let her go, “I just wanted you to know that.”

She turned around in grabbed his hand, and then the other wrapping them around her waist. She put her arms around his neck and kissed him gently on the lips. “And, you should know, you are too.”

She stayed in his arms a little longer before turning to leave the office.

~*~

“So, are you still unsure about the future?” Akira asked sitting next to Noriko in the backseat. She had been looking out of the window thinking about him again.

She smiled, “I’m not worried about it anymore. Something good will come out of all this. I mean it has too.”

Akira nodded just as Noriko’s phone went off, “Is that from him?”

Noriko looked at the message and saw it was an address along with the words, ‘I’m not done with you yet. I look forward to seeing you this weekend.’ She grinned, “Yeah, It’s from him.”

~The End~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was done, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to break it up into two parts or not. There's one more thing I'm going to post but this is the end. I hope you enjoyed this story and I'm sorry it took way too long. Thank you for reading!


	12. His Entry

** January 3rd, 2012 **

  _It has been about a month now and I haven’t run yet. Are you surprised? I can’t say I am. You’ve been asking me questions about our relationship and I want to answer them with to the best of my abilities. So, why not start at the beginning. When I looked at you in class, you looked so innocent. Good, someone with morals and I just wanted to see what made you tick. Were you as innocent as you seemed or was there something deeper within those brown_ eyes. _They stared so openly at me._

_From that moment on, you were a puzzle to me. I tricked you into coming to my office, and to be honest, it wasn’t a very good trick, but it gave me the needed results. When you started to cry over your grade I was astonished. One because you truly cared about the class and wanted to do well, and two because you weren’t desperate for me. I was very flooded with this overwhelming sense of need, and I kissed you. It took me by surprise, and I wouldn’t take that moment back. Your lips were soft almost unsure, and that teased me. I wanted you then. A simple taste wasn’t good enough for me._

_I didn’t expect to feel as strongly as I did. I didn’t expect to want your lips for my own. For you as my own. When you left I was slightly relieved because I needed to think. But I kept thinking about your lips, and those eyes, innocently staring up at me. When I saw you again that kiss kept coming to mind. So, I looked away and you noticed. Just as I noticed your gaze was glued to me. You would blush faintly and pretend to act busy, but I knew the truth. I teased you. licking my lips slightly and watching that blush deepen. You were so beautiful. I needed you and soon. I heard you talking to Miss Tanaka about crushes and I grinned. I had you without much effort, and as much as I would miss the chase, I was glad. It was growing increasingly difficult to pretend you weren’t real. I sent for you to meet me in my office, but you stood me up._

_I was angry. Livid. Why would you toy with me in such a way? But, then I thought about it. Should I try again? I wondered if you felt any attraction to me. Those thoughts were a cold realization. I needed to get away from you, but I wanted to see one last time if there was anything. I asked you once more to come to my office. And this time you show up, but with another man._

_I felt devastatingly possessive, more animal than man. It gnawed at me. That need and want to possess every inch of you. I envisioned taking you against the door with him outside wondering, waiting for you. How I wanted you to stifle your screams in my neck while I give you pleasure. But, you stopped me from even trying. So, I tried baiting you as you baited me. I left you with words about always wanting me and that was that. But, it wasn’t. What was it about you that made me not want to let go? I kept thinking about you more often than I would like to admit. Sometime after you left, I understood. I feared, someone else could have you. Claim you. And, that cooled me down. I wanted you to myself, but I feared to lose you before I even had you._

_When your birthday came around, I tried something a bit different. I sent you a necklace and I notice even now you never take it off. I saw it thought of you, you were never far from my thoughts. I also went out for a drink because of these feelings, were dangerous. I wanted to forget you, but I wanted more. I felt raw. A young woman that knew nothing about me, was all I could think about. It was that damn kiss. I shouldn’t have given into my temptation. I saw you dancing with Him, he was damned lucky. You looked gorgeous and I was stunned to see you at Platinum. I watched you for longer than you realized when your eyes caught mine for a brief second. In that glance, I knew how much you had changed. How much I was changing. I had to leave quickly and assess everything again._

_You must understand. I'm not used to these feelings, I have a past. And this emotional game with you felt so much more than anything I’ve known. I wanted to pull away. I didn’t need these feelings clouding up my mind but I couldn’t turn away from you. When I saw you in my class once more I nearly broke. The class was last minute switch. Our department is understaffed and the class was already planned but had no teacher. It was pure luck I happened to be teaching the class that semester. You made me want to run up those stairs and take you in front of everyone. You seemed more confident in your stare and that made me want you even more._

_One night I was grading papers and thinking of you when there was a knock at my door. I instantly hoped, yes, hoped it was you, but it wasn’t. It was Miss Tanaka. She threw herself at me, and I quickly shot down her advances. It left me with a bad taste in my mouth. To think she could ever take your place was laughable. She didn’t take kindly to being rejected. She spread rumors about us, but she kept the door to my office open and someone happened to walk past. It was then I realized how dangerous things could have gotten for you. I didn’t want anything to happen to you, so when you came to me I was concerned._

_I wanted to know what was wrong. Your eyes were puffy and red, and I wondered who had hurt you. I sat down looking at you and then your lips were on mine and my resolve broke. You told me you broke up with Him for me. You broke his heart. I said heatedly you shouldn’t have been with him. You didn’t need him when all along you wanted me, just as I wanted you. We were both towing the line. But, then you brought up Tanaka and accused me of sleeping with her. I dismissed you angrily. But after I thought about it, maybe it was because of your own jealousy. You didn’t want anyone else to have me just as I didn’t want anyone else to have you. I steeled my resolve once more and got through the rest of the semester without glancing at you, much. You looked so dejected and I still wanted to know what made you cry that day. But, I knew our time together was limited, and I didn’t want to face those facts. A few stolen kisses and you would be forever gone. I wasn’t ready._

_When your graduation day came, I was there along with many of the other teachers. I shook your hand, smiling brightly, but your eyes were unfocused. And I understood that I didn’t mean as much to you as I had thought. I sat in my office packing up my things thinking about wasted opportunities, how I had let something so perfect slip through my fingers. Yet, I knew it was for the best._

_What we shared in my office and what we share now is something special. I refuse to tell you how I feel about you by writing it down. My heart isn’t going anywhere and I’m not going anywhere. I am only yours and always will be._

**_Taisuke Fujigaya_ **

_I slipped this into your journal while you were sleeping, and now you know._

 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments would be welcomed, and thank you for reading so far.


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